DreamX's blog: "Damn"

Ok so my last blog i talked about my neck and my mom goign into the hospital from allergic reaction. Friday night i go overto my friends house after a banquet and after an hour or so my throat started to hurt really really bad.i started to cough up some red shit anf it hurt bad to cough. Soon it was hurting to take a deep breath at all and my throat felt very tender outside on the skin ya know. So i go to the hospital. and Who do i encounter.... my mom she had ot go to the hospital for 3rd time for her analphylactic shock. anywas i ended up their unti l late saturday with the docs pu,ping me full of antibiotics to fight off the sudden virus i caught for my throat. Im home now but i cant talk. not because iot hurts but i completely lost my voice. It hurts to swallow and everything. While i was in hospital my sister and her husband had such a huge fight that he left her ( cant say i blame him shes the most meanest miserable person uve ever met) On the way home from my parents house a semi going about 40 mph came within inches of hitting the car...... yeah not really a good weekend :-(

So i went in for my last round of injections. The previous two were horrible and they docs were giving me the wrong kind so today was the right kind. I go in there and they are talking a bunch of stuff about sedating me and i didnt wann go there, been there done that. After everything is ll done the doc starts talking about my neck. WEll he showed me on my mri's the extent of the damamge (first doctor to do so even when ive asked many times)my neck is littered with bone spurs rather nasty herniated disc and a narrow spinal cavity.... meaning the steroid has a decent chance of not helping me. Which means surgery. What makes this way worse is the fact 3 doctors have now said i can no longer wreslte in any capacity. Not even coach. Wrestling was the only thing that i was ever really good at and its gone completely gone. theirs such an empty void inside of me now bnecause of that. So now i cant ven find a job at all because i cant take stress on my neck/spine area. Which means im goign to have to find some kind of disability. Does anyone really wnan be on disability? Im single what girl in her right mind is going to want a guy who cant work? This evening i was talking ot my dad on the phone and my mom was on her landline talking to the nurse and weas told ot go to the hospital immediately. Her face was all swollen and she couldnt breath form her throat and it was all raspy. I finaly found out shes in a really bad analphylactic shock and almost died. Shes on meds right now trying to counter it. I never got along with my mom in fact shes been downright mean and hostile. Verging on hate between us but i would never wish harm on my mom and i still love her. im just completely worn out from all this. Theres so many tings that jsut keep happening to me and my family..... This ev

Sometimes i wonder if i could just escape. Go somehwre and finaly be free and happy. Life is never fair in fact its like a chain and noose around u slowly choking the life out of you while fully conscious of the hurt inside. Its so easy to slip into something that numbs the pain temporarily but in the end it only tightens the chains around you making you hurt even more. Just about everything you ever loved leaves you. Friends, family, things you were once good at. You find yourself so desperate grasping the last bits of them and it completely slips away. The pain from that loneliness can eat you away. Until thers nothing but a shell an empy husk that only knows pain.

Well i had one more appointment scheduled another set of injections, but the doctors decided to add something to it. They now beleive the rason for everythign is i have degenerative disc disease. Not to say its a real disease but it basically means, itll come back more then likely and that i may not be able to wrestle ever again......So on top of my job going bankrupt and being broke...... rents due and student loans to worry about...... im massively depressed.... dunno what i will do anymore.. pretty much have nothing and no one left

So had an mri done last week went ot the docs today before it started snowing. I found out i have a bulging disc between my c3 and c4 vertebrae. thast whats causing all my pain and vertigo. I begin steroid treatment for it as soon as i go to pharmacy if that doesnt work i get sterioid injection into my spine, if that doesnt work i will need to have surgery. What this means is i might have to leave my job and find something else but iom already in dire financial problems AND i cant wrestle with this, and that was jsut about the nly thing in my life i reall enjoyed....... so yeah im not feeling too good right now..

i have a pic of me taken a few weeks back it shows my beer belly pretty prominent.... should i post it or not

so 11 am came around and its lunch time so i walk across the street to go to my usual chinese restuarant. AS soon as i get across the street a guy (race witheld) wearing beige carpenter pants and a heavy jacket and a beanie starts walking all weird towards the entrance as well not quie noticing me. he puts his hand in one of his pockets and starts to heard towards door and then starts to withdraw his hand and i see he had what appeared to be a gun. i immediately yelled at him he turned around looked at me anf since iwas double his size took the fuck off into dodge. i walked into the restaurant and procceded to remain there for an hour talking ot police. Question why did i yell at a guy with a gun? WEll honeslty i dunno it seemed the only thign for me to do. I wasnt about to let him go in ther and shoot my freinds ya know. So now the police went looking for him but i dont think they found him . Well thers my excitement for the year lol

Well i work at a pretty shitty job. I have to deal with this guy at work.. tuan who doesnt ever do what hes supposed to do but hes been ther for 15 years so nothing i say will ever stop his doing whatever tuan wants to do. We get into an arguement and he tries to hit me in the face twice with a tape gun and im the opne that gets yelled at. WTF ya know. So then i get a phone call during work form my mom, one of my wrestlers (i coach high school) was shot and killed by his half brother with a stolen gun that had been used in a previous murder. It was all over the news. Then his mom came up to me and told me that i was the best wrestler that came out of the high school and it was mikeys dream to be better then me. Man what a load that was on my heart to bear..... His brother was left him there to die basically.Wouldnt call 911 or anything he wore gloved when he shot mikey and kicked the shell under the bed. Then at work i get into a accident and injured my neck. 3 different doctors 3 different diagnoses. So either i have a cervical/spinal neck strain, a bone spur in my neck, sprained neck or any of those three combined. I have ot do physical thereapy twice a week and i was out for the entire onth of october from doing anytihg physical. You have any idea what its like walking down the same aisles at work cleaning up foir 4 weeks? Then i get into such a nasty fall out with my parents that ive officially been asked not to come to thanksgiving, so now i have that to add one ot this month... Last thing i have to say is FUCK OCTOBER!!!!!!