bye bye and buy Bonds's blog: "mainer"

A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for. - John A. Shedd

Expect people to be better than they are; it helps them to become better. But don't be disappointed when they are not; it helps them to keep trying. - Merry Browne

A Truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the Lies you can invent - William Blake

You might be a Redneck if: 1. It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
2. You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
3. You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival".
4. You remove your hat and bow your head when anyone prays.
5. You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play our National Anthem.
6. You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
7. You've never burned an American flag, but would kick someone's BUTT that did.
8. You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
9. You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
10. You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
...If you got the above from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about above.
...God Bless the USA...!!!

Becoming Illegal

(From a Maryland resident to his senator)

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien, and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one, and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health-care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Pete McGlaughlin [name fictitious]

One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness - it is usually returned. - Cort R. Flint

The riches of this world are vain, They vanish in a day; But sweet the treasures of God’s love— They never pass away! —Bosch

Those who imagine that the world is against them have generally conspired to make it true. - Sydney J. Harris

We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. - Omar Bradley

There's a movement in the mumms, the IMP. The IMP (insane mumm posse) was formed one night as lame mumm after lame mumm paraded across our monitors. Somebody noticed that several of us were responding the same way to them so they suggested we form a band to fight lame mumms. We are unorganized, unserious, and pretty much a joke, even among ourselves. The only ones who take the IMP seriously are those who believe in a god given right not to be insulted.