FoxyLady616's blog: "Relations"

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions". "Onions?" The Boy asks. "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree". "A Christmas tree?" The Girl asks "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

This for my friend: Nik who seems to think that Women arent good for any thing but this is what you say happens: A Man Can't Win Submitted by: Chuckie If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.. If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you are a wimp. If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert. If you don't, you are a fag. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist. If you don't, you are unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain. If you don't, you are a slob. If you buy her flowers, you are after something. If you don't, you are not thoughtful. If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself. If you don't, you are not ambitious. If she has a headache, she is tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often, you are oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

Bubba had Shingles > Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! > Doesn't it seem that more and more physicians are running their practices > like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba: > Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he > had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical > insurance number and told him to have a seat. > Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide&n bsp;came out and asked Bubba what he had. > Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete > medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room. > A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said > Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an > electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for > the doctor. > An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said > Shingles. The doctor asked, Where? > Bubba said,"Outside on the truck. Where do you want them??"

Life is simple. We HUMANS make it hard. THIS IS SOME GOOD ADVICE! If a dog was the teacher, you would learn stuff like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory. Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body . No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout! Run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else... One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you.. The girl said, " NO" Johnny said, " I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, You bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story. The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour went by and the boyfriend was waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend called and asked what happened..... She said, "The bastard used quarters!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed

Toxic relationships! 'When a blind man leads a blind man, they both end up in the ditch' (Matthew ) (15:14TM) Your development, and in some cases your healing, can only take place when you walk with the right people! Remember the story of the scorpion that asked a frog to carry him across the river because he could not swim? How do I know you will not sting me? the frog asked. If I do, we'll both drown, he replied. So the scorpion hopped on. Half way across the river the scorpion stung him. As they were drowning the frog said, 'You promised you wouldn't. Why did you sting me? The scorpion replied, I cannot help it, it's my nature to sting. Learn to recognize toxic relationships and walk away from them before they take you down with them. A toxic relationship is like a body part with gangrene; if you do not amputate, the infection will spread. Unless you have the courage to cut off what will not heal, you will end up losing much more. You cannot partner successfully with someone who does not share your goals. When you feel passionately about something but they do not, it is like trying to dance the fox trot with someone who only wants to waltz. You picked the wrong dance partner. Do not get tied up with someone who does not share your God-given purpose. Some issues can be corrected through teaching and leadership, but you cannot teach somebody to care. And if they do not care, they will infect your environment, ruin your productivity and break your rhythm. So ask God, 'Who belongs in my life?'