Daughter of Hell's blog: "Immortal Ego Project"

The Scarybird Spotters Guide To Trolls Academic Git Troll The academic git troll is highly knowledgeable in the subject that they are espousing on; they are able to quote from lots of literary sources to justify their position whatever it maybe. The Basic Troll The basic troll can usually be easily spotted by their manner and posts in flagrant disregard of site/group policy or by attacking the members/moderators. Then whining about personal attacks on them, when someone successfully defends himself/herself or diffuses the fracas that they have tried to start or when they are moderated. The Beer Troll The Beer Troll will be fine until they have had a few to drink, they will insist that they are sober, are in full control and that they haven’t had enough to drink, despite evidence to the contrary or they can sit in the corner being terminally polite to everyone. If for some reason something upsets them they can turn into a Ranting/Mr Angry Troll. The BMW Troll This is a specialised species of road troll, we have all come across them, they believe that they own the road, always have the right of way and that everyone else is subservient to them, they are prone to road rage and tantrums if they don’t get their own way. They are also prone to saying “Don’t you know who I am”. The Chav Troll This species of troll is particularly annoying in the fact that every sentence ends in ya know what I mean or innit. This is a particularly stupid and slow troll, they are normally found wearing tracksuits, shell suits or poor quality, fake designer tartan with loads of gold/ gold effect jewellery from Argos or somewhere similar and a sound system that propels the car rather than the engine. The Chocolate Troll This species of troll is mostly harmless unless you are in possession of chocolate, they have the ability to find and stealthily consume the chocolate or to eat all the best chocolates out of a selection box/tin without you noticing until you go to get one. The Cinema Troll This particular species of troll talks loudly and/or proceed to eats noisily during the film or has their mobile switched on at high volume and will conduct a phone conversation in the middle of the cinema during the film. The Demi-Troll The demi-troll can be hard to identify as they may only show their troll characteristics occasionally. They may just be starting out on the path of trollhood, it is believed that they can be cured of the troll virus if caught and treated early enough. The Fetish Troll The Fetish Troll inhabits the fetish sites/parties and fairs claiming to want all sorts of things done to them purely to portray the image of being really outrageous and controversial, wasting the time of those who are serious. The Football Fanatic Troll This species of troll is infests every pub with a TV screen during the dreaded football season, getting drunk, being loud, unruly and generally obnoxious, they are unable grasp the fact that there are those of us who can’t stand like football and might like a quiet drink. The Gerrards Cross Troll Again this is specialised species of troll that has colonised Gerrards Cross; in this case they believe that they own the universe, that everything and everyone including the gods are only there for their convenience. An especially good example is a Gerrards Cross Station, where they will try to push you to get on an already obviously full train, before allowing anyone off. The Hof Troll This is an invisible troll that only inhabits the hof, whose presence can be detected by the spilling of drinks, food and other accidents within the hof during a blot. The Jobs Worth Troll The Jobs Worth Troll knows all the minutiae of the rules of their job and have an excuse for not doing anything that they are supposed to do or allowing you to do anything you want to do. The Litter Troll This species of troll is a common site on public transport and in the high street. They insist on bring and noisily eating smelly fast food or gum on the bus or train, they then leave the packaging all over the place to ensure that the smell lingers and because they are to lazy/stupid to find a bin to put it in. The Fast Food Troll I am sure that we have all had this troll species serving you in Mc Donalds? or similar fast food establishment. The only words they seem to know are “Do you want to super size that?” Their purpose seems to be to ensure that when you eventually get the food the order is either missing something, is wrong and/or cold. The London Underground Troll The Underground Troll is a subspecies of the Hof Troll located only on London Underground, like the Hof Troll they cause accidents to happen and things to break. They also make those strange and worrying noises you hear as you travel on the tube, we suspect this is them communicating with each other as they ride under the tube trains. The Neo-Nazi Troll The Neo-Nazi Troll will extol the virtues of being pure (insert race), that they are the master race and everyone else is inferior, how misunderstood Hitler was. That ethnic cleansing is a necessary thing. The Pedantic Troll This troll species delights in correcting and pointing out spelling/punctuation and factual errors no matter how small and insignificant, putting down the person who made the errors in the first place. The Personal Stereo Troll This species of troll is prevalent on public transport playing their MP 3? player or personal stereo at full volume, even sometimes attempting to sing along to whatever they are listening to. The Ranting/Mr Angry Troll This species of troll only ever posts/comments to rant or have a go at someone or something, virtually everyone and everything they come across is cause for a rant and subjected to their vitriol. The Stealth Troll The Stealth Troll is very rarely openly troll like in their behaviour; they may work behind the scenes encouraging others to troll like behaviour and attitudes on occasion. The Suicidal Cycle Courier Troll They make the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland look like he’s out for a relaxing Sunday stroll, they are in a permanent state of adrenaline and caffeine fuelled psychosis. They stop for no one and nothing. The Sunday Driver Troll This species of troll normally appears on Sundays, but can appear at anytime and anywhere on the roads, usually when you least want it, they will drive at 20 miles an hour at most, hogging the middle or outside lane of the motor way. They are normally recognisable by the hat and leather driving gloves or especially in the summer by the caravan they towing in first gear blocking the country lanes. The Text Speak Troll This troll insists on using text speak in normal conversations and in posts, despite being repeatedly requested not to do so, they are also known to send virtually unintelligible text messages to anyone unfortunate enough to be in their phone book in the early hours of the morning. The Trickster Troll The Trickster Troll can be amusing to watch if you are not the target of their wind ups or practical jokes, their intent is to be as annoying as possible and to wind up those around, to push the boundaries without quite getting banned The Uber Troll These are a particularly pesky and potentially dangerous version of the troll, having more intelligence/knowledge than the basic troll is, their goal is to disrupt/destroy the forum/group that they have targeted. White Van Troll Seen in cities and towns everywhere and so beloved by other motorists, the White Van Troll drives as though they are permanently taking part in a stock car race, with no regard whatsoever to other road users or the highway code. It has been suggested that they think that they get points for everything they hit with bonuses for pedestrians and cyclists.