Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.

When Irish eyes are smilin... better look out!

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.

Curiouser and curiouser!

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

If I play a blank tape with the volume turned up, will the mime next door go nuts?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.

Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

:( I'm sober

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

Could certainly use a drink :)