I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly...

ATTENTION ALL JUDGMENT and DOOMSDAY BELIEVERS:: Due to technical difficulties... The scheduled END OF WORLD event has been postponed. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. If you have already quit your job, given away your life savin

A woman should soften but not weaken a man.

was sitting in church the other day and the crazy lady beside me was smoking a cigarette! I was so shocked, i almost dropped my beer!!

“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.”

Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

“Life is like Tango... sad, sensual, sexy, violent and quiet.”

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Let those who know not what temptation is, let those who have walked as we have done, in the red fire of passion, those who's lives are dull and colorless, in a word let those, if any such there be, who have not loved, cast stones against you.

I've oft been told by learned friars, That wishing and the crime are one, And Heaven punishes desires As much as if the deed were done. If wishing damns us, you and I Are damned to all our heart's content; Come then, at least we may enjoy Some pleasure for

I've been too fucking busy. And vice versa.

It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.

If God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate.

Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.

"There are two types of women: those who want power in the world, and those who want power in the bedroom."

"How much has to be explored and discarded before reaching the naked flesh of feeling."

"The angle of the dangle is equally proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the urge to surge remains constant."

"Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means."

Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.