I like my men like I like my coffee......... Ground up and in the freezer!

OMG OMG OMG!!! So much Halloween bling!!!! I want!

UGH, snow

You think you've got problems? I dropped my cocaine in the snow this morning....

I failed my Health and Safety Test. The question was, "What steps would you take, in case of a fire? "Big F*cking Ones" was, apparently, the wrong answer.

CAW CAW! Ravens win it!!!

Got a text message from an unknown (to me) number that said, "I hid the body, we're good". I replied, "Ok, cool............which one"?

I am perfectly innocent and can't think of any reason why anyone would think otherwi.......oh wait.........THAT!

I don't get into trouble, trouble gets into me

I'm not feeling myself today...perhaps I should feel someone else.

I have stolen Santa's naughty list. You'll never believe who's on it!

May say something brilliant at any moment. Wait for it......wait for it........Ah....nope I got nothin'

Now accepting applications for Minions and Partners in Crime. Please read all fine print: adult language and partial nudity may be required.

Coffee, coffee, coffee!!!!

I like my men like I like my coffee....................ground up and in the freezer ;-)

My dad said to me to check if the turn signal was on. Me: Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Dad: Shut up smart mouth

They say absentmindedness is a sure sign of genius... in which case I must be one of the smartest people in the world!

I don't understand how people get eaten by sharks...I mean how do you not hear the music?

Can be found standing at the corner of WTF and OMG

Have you ever been standing at the coffee pot, making coffee, starting at the grounds and think about doing a line or two of them to kick start the day?