Bonfire's blog: ""

Drifting by Kit McCallum I sometimes find I'm drifting Through this life without effect; I often wonder if I'm truly Worth what I've been blessed. I search through days that have been hard, To try to understand, The many trials that I have known, The life that I have had. You see me in my daily grind, So confident and strong; Yet when I am alone, I question Just where I belong. I often try too hard I find, To analyze and guess, To scrutinize, investigate My life I will confess. For somewhere deeper, there must be Some meaning to this life, Some way to make a difference, Give a reason for this strife. Is there some hidden meaning? Some agenda to be found? A greater purpose waiting If I care to hang around? It teases and it taunts me, Always slightly out of sight; A hazy vision out of reach, Where darkness hides the light. I struggle to bring clarity To what awaits me there, And yet this weak illusion Always fades before my stare. It seems the harder that I try, To focus through the haze, Just serves to add more questions, Through my endless, tired gaze. Perhaps I'm trying just too hard, To understand it all, For can we ever truly know Just what we have in store? Each incident, each moment passed, Just adds upon the next, But in the end, will I find truth ... Or will I be perplexed? Perhaps I make it harder Than it has to be sometimes, But will my searching bring to me My meaning over time? Or will it leave me broken, And confused as I feel now, While questions bring no solitude, To this, my wrinkled brow.

NELLY FURTADO "All Good Things (Come To An End)" Honestly what will become of me don't like reality It's way too clear to me But really life is dandy We are what we don't see Missed everything daydreaming [Chorus:] Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end come to an end come to an Why do all good things come to end? come to an end come to an Why do all good things come to an end? Traveling I only stop at exits Wondering if I'll stay Young and restless Living this way I stress less I want to pull away when the dream dies The pain sets in and I don't cry I only feel gravity and I wonder why Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end come to an end come to an Why do all good things come to end? come to an end come to an Why do all good things come to an end? Well the dogs were whistling a new tune Barking at the new moon Hoping it would come soon so that they could Dogs were whistling a new tune Barking at the new moon Hoping it would come soon so that they could Die die die die die Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end Flames to dust Lovers to friends Why do all good things come to an end come to an end come to an Why do all good things come to end? come to an end come to an Why do all good things come to an end? Well the dogs were barking at a new moon Whistling a new tune Hoping it would come soon And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 'til the feeling went away And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and the rain forgot how to bring salvation the dogs were barking at the new moon Whistling a new tune Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates..but this takes the cake. Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down... Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment .. "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.

Best Christmas Cookie Recipe 1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups of dried fruit 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher. CHERRY MISTMAS

Barbie's Letter To Santa Dear Santa, Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya', Santa, but it's pay back time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas 2006: 1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do. 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite! 3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boy toy, Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HULLO!?! 4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. 5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said. 6. A jog bra. To wear until I get the surgery. 7. A new career. Pet doctor, school teacher and make real money. 8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a pint of cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips. 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl complexion. 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 45 years - I think I deserve a piece of the action. Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you don't like it, you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple. Yours truly, Barbie * * * Ken's Letter To Santa: Dear Santa, It has come to my attention that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my sexuality, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, as well as some of my own needs and desires: First, I, along with several of my colleagues, feel Ms. Barbie DOES NOT deserve the preferential treatment she has received over the years. That bitch has everything. Neither I, nor Joe, Jem, nor The Raggedys, Ann & Andy, have dream houses, Corvettes, dune buggies, evening gowns, and some of us do not even have the ability to change our hairstyle. I have had a limited wardrobe, obviously designed to complement but never upstage Ms. Barbie. My decision to accessorize with an earring was immediately quashed, which I protest, for it was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice. I would like a change in my career to further explore my creative nature. Some options which could be considered are "Decorator Ken," "Beauty Salon Ken," or "Broadway Ken." Other avenues which could be considered are: "Go-Go Ken," "Impersonator Ken" (with wigs and gowns), or "West Hollywood Ken." These would more accurately reflect my interests and, I believe, open up markets that have been under served. As for Ms. Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful in other situations of which you are aware. In closing, further concessions to the Blonde Bimbo from Hell, while the needs of others within my coalition are ignored, will result in legal action to be taken by myself and others. And kindly tell Ms. Barbie she can forget about G.I. Joe... he's mine, at least that's what he said last night. Sincerely, Ken