1.) My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!"
2.) My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"
3.) My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock your into the middle of next week!"
4.) My mother taught me Logic -
"Because I said so, that's why!"
5.) My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, incase you're in an accident!"
6.) My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about!"
7.) My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
8.) My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
9.) My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished!"
10.) My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
11.) My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
12.) My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times; Don't exaggerate!!!"
13.) My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!"
14.) My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"
