My wife and I get along just great, except that she's a"backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, I finally decided I'd had enough and advised her that I would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on my way home from doing some Christmas shopping at the mall, I heard my cell phone ring as I was merging onto a freeway. It was my wife calling. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind me."Honey," she said,"your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain." -- STOP BY MY PAGE FOR ANOTHER GRIN AND CHEER UP, FRIDAY'S ALMOST HERE!
One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however."The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly."How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed."What do you think caused the change in behavior?""Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied."This year I didn't sign the checks." ----- DON'T FORGET TO READ THE JOKE IN MY STATUS COMMENT & DAILY JOKE ABOVE IT AND HAVE A GREAT DAY!
As Christmas approaches and military families are thinking more of their loved ones that cannot be home for the holidays, I am dedicating the next two weeks of humor to them STARTING 11/2/12. My prayers are with them and their loved ones. I hope to put a smile on their faces. My daily humor is posted on my page. If you have time, rate, like, and comment. If you are pressed for time, just read and enjoy, nothing means more to me than making people smile and laugh. Gary -- Hope everyone has a THOROUGHLY THORNLESS THURSDAY! (which means no pricks & no pain in the asses all day)These CHINESE soldiers are playing hot potato with a live grenade. Talk about a"YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME" moment!
IT'S THINGS TO PONDER THURSDAY! * FIRST OF THREE ** 1. Is there another word for synonym? 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? 8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 11. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do"practice?" 13. Where do forest rangers go to"get away from it all?" 14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? ************************************** HOPE YOU HAVE A GRINNIN' THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY!
It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat."I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces."SHIT!", said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the senior center ************ HOPE EVERYONE HAS A SUPER SATISFYING SATURDAY!
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! ---------- NAME: Greg Bulmash.---------- SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.----------- DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.---------- DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.---------- EDUCATION: Yes.---------- LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.---------- SALARY: Less than I'm worth.---------- MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.---------- REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.---------- HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.---------- PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.---------- DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.---------- MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?---------- DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?---------- DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be"Do you have a car that runs?"---------- HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.---------- DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.---------- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.---------- DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.---------- SIGN HERE: Aries. HAVE A GRINNIN' FREAKY FRIDAY!
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep... I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep. The leftovers beckoned...the dark meat and white, but I fought the temptation with all of my might. Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a snack became infatuation. So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore. I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, stuffing with gravy, green beans and tomatoes. I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground. I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees... Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please. ***************Thanksgiving Divorce*************** A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says."We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone."Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts,"I'll take care of this," She calls Phoenix immediately,and screams at her father,"You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife."Okay," he says,"they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way." ***** HAPPY THANKSGIVING*****1 more TG joke at bottom of my interests section
Welcome to fubar... hope you're having a great time soo far.. if you need anything or have and questions, please feel free to ask.. take care and have a wonderfully rockin' evening.. Jimi
thank you
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