JADED Southern Sex Symbols Group Member's blog: "About me"

Life is amazing sometimes. I have had the misfortune to get in contact with an ex of my furst exhusband lately. I had hoped and wished that he had changed his life and be come the man I fell in love with. As it turns out he has gotten worse! LMAO, people think I am crazy for wishing him the best in life. But its true. I cant hold a grudge for long. He put me through more hell than I can ever say to anyone. Except to those who know him, and even then I still have more shit than them. WHY? Why is it that I am still the odd one out? I have forgiven him what he has done to me but I will never forget!!! I still look over my sholder, jump at a strange sound and get scared of a car that is following me, and get scared of a car that slows down by me while I walk!! These things I will never be able to get over. It is part of who I am now and it scares me to know that I have changed so much because of what my ex did to me. Its sad to know that he hasnt changed but only gotten worse in the years since I last had to deal with him. My worst fear is him comimg to find me and finish what he started years ago. I almost died at his hands. He will never admit this to anyone. He has claimed I attacked him, but that isnt true. For those women that have been with him know what he is like and can back me on this. He is a very abusive person, verbally, mentally, can be sexually and physically. I have experianced almost every form of abuse from him in the short time I was with him. I know the woman that has contacted me never intended for all this emotion to come back to haunt me, and I dont blame her one bit. I actually thought I was done with it all. I have realized that I am still as afraid of him as I was back then. Maybe even more so now, since I have more to lose now. I just wish that all my fears will go away. I just wish and pray that the fates will allow me to be happy without anything to ruin it. But that is asking too much. Never in my life have the fates allowed me to be happy for long!! I am wondering why is it that I have to go through so much hell!! I have a saying, "I have my own peronal gate with my name on it to hell and a very well worn path through it!" That sums up my life!!!! I am sorry but I so needed to vent a little before I exploded. This blog only sugar coats my life!!! I do hope all is going well for ya'll and that the Goddess wacht over, protect and bless you all!!