It was a Tuesday night when Fehn called me to see if I wanted to go out for cocktails that evening. “I don’t have any money,? I said. ‘Well, one of Megan’s friends told us the Marquis has $2 pitchers tonight, but I’m not really sure,’ he said. “No biggie,? I said, “let me call you right back.? I hung up the phone, and called information immediately to get the number to the Marquis. I called the bar, and to my delight, the hunch about cheap drinks that Fehn had actually panned out into something real, which was $2 pitchers.
I called Fehn, telling him the good news. Upon hearing the news, he offered to buy my sister, Zuzu, and I cheap beer if we met up with Megan, his girlfriend, and him. I’ve never been one to pass up free drinks, so I jumped on the offer. “We’re on our way right now,? I told him. “See you soon!?
The Marquis II is at the corner of Kirby and Bissonnet. It’s in a nice neighborhood, but there’s nothing nice about the bar at all. It’s a total fucking shit hole, which is probably why I like it so much. The building it’s in actually used to be a fine gentlemen’s establishment back in the day. In other words, it was a tity club. The bar doesn’t have a single window, so no natural light can get in, and no cigarette smoke can get out. The ceilings are low. The floors are dirty. But the drinks are cheap and strong, which makes up for everything else.
When we got there, Zuzu and I had absolutely no money to our names, and only half a pack of cigarettes between us. We knew we were going to have to make something happen if we wanted to get drunk tonight. We found Fehn in the back room sitting with Megan and her friends at two tables pushed together. I‘d never met any of her friends before, and from the look of them, I didn‘t want to meet them. They had that young just graduated from college look, and reeked of wanna be professionalism. Full pitchers of beer covered the tables though, and we were thirsty.
Fehn handed us two plastic cups, and we filled them with what we considered to be community beer that was sitting on both tables. Sweet nectar of the Gods! I thought as I chugged cup after cup. Fehn, Zuzu, and I were just pounding beer after beer. Before long, all the pitchers on our table were empty. So, we filled our cups from the pitchers on the table next to ours where all of Megan’s friends were. At first, they didn’t have a problem with us taking a beer, here and there. But, they definitely had a problem when they realized the insatiable thirst that we were cursed with. Soon, they were defending their beers, not allowing to get anywhere near their dwindling supplies. With no beer at our table, Zuzu and I made way in search of free beer and more cigarettes.
We walked around the place once or twice looking for a friendly group of drunks willing to let us drink as much of their beer as we want. Instead, we found a full pitcher on top of a table with no one sitting at it, or even around it. Without hesitation, Zuzu went in for the kill, quickly grabbing the pitcher off the table. We drank it as we walked around still in search of the group of drunks that we knew had to be there.
It didn’t take long until we found them, and when we did, it made worth the wait. There was probably 8 or 10 of them. They had 2 or 3 girls, and the rest were dudes. It was a sausage fest, which I’m usually not a fan of, but they were offering us free beer. And, so, we stayed, taking them up on their offer. They filled our cups, over and over, bumming us cigarette after cigarette the whole meanwhile.
Somehow I got into a conversation with one of them about fighting. He was talking a big game about this and that and all the fights he’s been in. “My sister and I are crazy,? I said. ‘Oh, yea, I’m crazy, too,’ he said. “No, you don’t seem to understand,? I said, “Zuzu and I get uppity with people. We’ll get in their face, and proceed to beat them down.? I always think it’s funny when I tell people about Zuzu and I being crazy and aggressive. I tell how we are, that we have bad tempers and get in peoples faces, but they never really seem to believe it no matter how much I try to convince them. “I need some more beer,? I told him to end the conversation.
I walked to their table, and sat down to make conversation with one of their friends who was sitting at the table while I filled my cup with their beer. I introduced myself, and made some bullshit chit chat for a few minutes.
He looked up at Zuzu, and stared for a moment or two. Then, he looked me in the eyes, and said, ‘Dude, she has some big fucking tits.’ I immediately blew up on him. “That’s my fucking sister,? I said. “Don’t you ever fucking say that again.? He looked at Zuzu again; then, he looked back to me, and said, ‘Dude, she has some big fucking tits.’
Now, I really got pissed. I stood up, getting in his face. “Motherfucker, let’s go outside,? I yelled. “I’m going to punch out your goddamn teeth with fist! I’m going to fucking hurt you!? His friends immediately were pulling me back, telling me to relax, and that their friend was wasted, that they were sorry. Their friend was scared shitless. He was staring at the ground, not saying anything. Zuzu started getting worked up even though she didn’t know what he said that pissed me off. “What the fuck did he say about me?? She asked. “Fuck him,? I said, “Goddamn motherfucker.?
She walked over to the dude. He was still in his chair staring at the ground. “What the fuck did you say about me?? she yelled. He didn’t say a word. He just kept staring at the ground. Zuzu cocks back her arm, and SLAM! She straight up bitch slaps this dude in his face open handed and hard. His legs start trembling. “What the fuck did you say about me?? Zuzu yelled again. He didn’t say a word. He just kept staring down. Zuzu cocked back again, and WHAM! She bitch slaps him a second time. Now, his arms and his legs are trembling. “Fucking look at me!? Zuzu yelled. He just keeps looking down though. Zuzu cocks back for the third time, and BAM! She nails him in the face again. Now, his whole body is trembling in fear while he keeps staring down. I actually think he soiled himself.
Anywho, Zuzu is fucking enraged by now. She grabs the dudes pitcher off the table, and says, ‘I’d pour this on your fucking head, but I don’t want to waste the beer.’ ’Christian,’ she says, ’give me your cup.’ I hand it to her. She fills my cup, then hers. She handed me his pitcher, and took his actual cup of beer. We walked away with his beer, and proceeded to party more like nothing had happened at all.
