JADED Southern Sex Symbols Group Member's blog: "About me"

Well here I sit wondering about my life while my body is raked with pain. I wonder why I was born. Why do I have to endure so much pain, weither it be physical or other pains that I have endured. I think back to when I wasn't in so much pain and cry. Like I am sitting here crying now and hating the fact that I am crying. Don't get me wrong I love my life here and everyone in my life they mean the world to me!! I just wonder why I have to have a body that is always in pain and constantly get sick. Why I have to endure so much heartache and abuse through my life. Why I have been chosen to endure so much pain and sorrow. Then all I have to do is listen to someone in the military or who has had it worse than me. I am very empathetic person and since I have been through so much hell in my life can easily relate to many people. I am starting to wonder where my lot in life is taking me. I always new my lot in life was to endure many forms of abuse, pain and suffering. I start to think back to when I was in less pain and cry for the loss of my innocence and the loss of my body. I used to think it was cause I missed the one man in my life at the time who was my heart, soul, breath and was in my blood. I have since learned it was more the fact that I miss my innocence and the fact that my body wasn't always hurting then as it is now. Don't get me wrong this man(Nathan) taught me so much about pleasing a man and what it takes to please me. He made me a woman in every sense of the word. He is and will be the only man that I ever begged for in my life. I am ashamed that I stooped to such a level. I was literally on my knees begging him to take me back. I learned to never lower myself to that level ever again for anyone. To make my self that weak with need for anyone. To allow anyone to get that close to me ever again. Nathan taught me to please men, my blessing and a curse. I have learned what he taught me too well. I derive most of my pleasure from pleasing and satisfy thoroughly who I am with without thought to my complete satisfaction. I have a very hard time finding a man that can keep up with me in bed without help, LOL. Well there is so much more going that I can't even put into words right now. I just hope all is going well for everyone. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all.