I had dinner with my sweetie
At his home the other night
I knew he’d make a special treat
At least I hoped he might
He set out all the crockery fine
With his best linen pressed
Silver knives and forks and spoons
I really was impressed
I said “What’s for dinner sweetie?”
He flashed a cheeky smile
And replied “I know you’ll love it
It’ll be ready in just a while”
Well I got a little suspicious
For I noticed that no smell
Was coming from his kitchen
And no food was there as well
Nothing cooking on the stove
So sign of chook nor fish
And he knew spaghetti marinara
Was my favourite dish
The stereo played slow love songs
The candles were aglow
He certainly was cooking something up
But what? I did not know
As he led me away from the kitchen
My hopes began to crumble
When he took me to the main bedroom
I heard my tummy rumble
He set me down upon the bed
And then to my surprise
He grabbed a blood red silken tie
And wrapped it round my eyes
I started feeling worried
This was not his normal behaviour
What could be for dinner here
And what could I find to savour?
I could hear him rustling round a bit
What was taking him so long
I’d known him over six months now
But could I have judged him wrong?
Did he have a darker side?
Was he into kinky stuff?
Well everything here seemed OK
I knew I just had to trust
Then I felt his hand so gentle
As he slowly released my blindfold
I opened my eyes and before me
Was such a sight to behold
He had totally turned his body
From his crown to his toenail tip
Into a savoury sensation
And in his hand... a packet of chips
Well, I could not hold back the laughter
I was rolling about in a fit
Then he held out the packet and said,
So solemn...”Would you like a dip?”
After removing the hair from the pate
To my delight it tasted divine
And he kept a supply of rice crackers
Propped up ‘tween his toes in a line
Well I tried the cream cheese on his fingers
His belly button olives were yum
But I kept coming back for my favourite
The guacamole smeared on his buns
He’d gone to a lot of trouble
To find all my favourite things
I especially liked the arrangement
Of the cheezles and burger rings
I shared all the treats with my sweetie
Towards the end I was starting to slow
He gave me a wink and suggested
I finish off with a big cheerio
Needless to say...
There were no further courses
We sent out for pizza instead
After sweetie had showered we ate it
Propped up in our crumb filled bed
Now our relationship’s taken on new meaning
As we share in our new found delight
In fact I’ve invited my sweetie
For dessert round at my place tonight!
