One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.
When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
sacrifice
and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way
home
from
work.
Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him
that I
would be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans
was
more
than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects
by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew
it,
I had
consumed t hree large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone
rang.
He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned
and
went to
answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room
I
seized
the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running
over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me
vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The
stink
was
worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other
room, I
went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my
freedom, I
quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it
on
my lap
and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased
with
myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned,
apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured
him
I had
not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated
around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!! !!!!!!!!!