blueangel's blog: "blue's clues"

Married, single or in a relationship, the stuff we often take for granted is just what we should be grateful for! Food, shelter, health, love, family, friends… As a general rule, no matter how bad things may sometimes seem, we’ve all got a lot for which to be thankful. Here are some of the seemingly small things many women take for granted: Freedom: and I don’t mean this in the political sense we’re always hearing about on the news. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you have power over the decisions you make. Sometimes they’re harder than others, but the simple truth is that you create your own reality by the choices you make. So if you’re single, choose to make the most of your time with yourself – don’t sit around waiting for a man to complete you – complete yourself and a man to compliment you will come. And if you’re involved, remember who you are independent of your partner. The best way to have a healthy, happy relationship is to be two individuals… you know the saying – the whole is only as strong as its parts. It applies to relationships perhaps most of all! Alone time: even if it’s just ten minutes a day, you grow when you get to collect yourself, your thoughts and your feelings. We sometimes have a tendency to avoid alone time. Whether it’s because we think it’s boring or lonely or just something we can’t afford to spare the seconds for in the course of our busy day to day lives, time to we take for ourselves is the time that shapes our lives and we should be grateful for the opportunity to spend time with ourselves. After all, if you don’t know how you feel or think or what you want, how can you expect to be happy? Quiet your mind and sit with yourself a little bit each day and you’ll find yourself experiencing a growing sense of calm. And while you’re at it, take some time to do things on your own on occasion as well. Whether it’s renting or going to a movie, going shopping or just sitting outside in the sun, enjoy your own company… you’ll have a lot more to offer when you’re in the company of someone else. Girl time: while it’s easy for life to revolve around meeting a man, or a relationship with a man, girlfriends are truly people we can’t live without! Think about some of the best times you’ve ever had with “just the girls” and you’ll probably find yourself in mini-hysterics. Whether it was your best friend’s antics on a college spring break trip, or the conversation at brunch last weekend, some of our most memorable moments are with the girls. Do you ever say thank you? We’re all grateful when we meet a great guy (or at least we should be), but very often we forget to appreciate the women who populate our lives in times of singlehood and when we’re involved. Make time for your girlfriends one day soon – and let them know how glad you are to have them in your life! Men: they may drive us crazy with or without them, but at the end of the day, we’re glad they’re around! Whether you’re looking for one, struggling with one, happily single or happily involved, we have to take the time to appreciate the wonder that is the opposite sex. They may think and act different than us a lot of the time, but whether we see it or not, they do feel, and they do want to give love and be loved. So rather than get annoyed the next time your guy (or guy friend) says something you find ridiculous, or chooses a football game over a cocktail party (or vice versa depending on your tastes!), take a second and be grateful for differences. Without them, life would be kind of boring! The bad times: while they’re not fun when they’re happening, without them, the good times wouldn’t seem so good. Okay, so you’re skeptical. After all, a positive spin can be put on anything. But one of the biggest lessons we learn as we get older, is that life is full of ups and downs – and the downs are usually where we make the decisions that shape our lives. If you’d never had your heart broken (on a big or small scale), how would you learn to handle someone else’s with care? If you never put in the effort to make a struggling relationship work rather than just giving up, how would you and your mate get any closer? Bad times bring people together… and they allow us to experience joy when things take a turn for the positive. So be grateful for your lessons and know that while they’re hard to learn, bad times are the stuff from which you learn to create abundance – in life and in love!

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.

Tips to help him share his feelings: You talk and talk; you tell him your fears, desires, dreams, what you ate for lunch. He, on the other hand, doesn't give it up that easily. While you're a constant stream of thought and feelings, his jabber tap often runs dry. You often wonder what's going on behind those eyes. And you want to know, how can you get him to open up? The truth is, males aren’t brought up to talk about their feelings, so when you ask him to talk about what’s going on inside, it often doesn’t compute. "Men hesitate to talk because they are afraid that they won’t say the right things or they're concerned that they won’t express themselves in the right way," says Psychologist Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last. According to Sherman, men bite their tongues because they’re afraid of being vulnerable. Men need to feel safe in order to let their guard down. With loving praise and the right prodding , you can get your special man to unlock the door to his fortress of solitude. Be ready for an earful! Timing is everything. Feel him out, if you want to talk and he’s stressed out, it’s better to give him space. If there’s something specific you want to address and he’s an early riser, you may have a better chance of talking if you approach him while the birds are still chirping. Finally, don’t start an in-depth convo in a crowded nightclub where the music is booming. Choose your venue. Perhaps, a quiet park or a remote table in a restaurant, suggests relationship expert April Masini, author of Think & Date Like A Man. Engage in activity. Guys are more into action so you have a better chance of having a heart to heart while doing the laundry or fixing dinner. "The most intimate conversations sometimes happen while both people are doing chores that are brainless," adds Masini. The point is, you want him to be relaxed. Post-coital is also an option since sex in itself is a bonding activity. Listen! If you're talking, you're not listening. This is a hard one to remember gals, but if you keep interrupting him to express yourself, he will likely retreat into the infamous cave. Give him room to gather his thoughts, speak his mind. Also, it’s not time to multi-task when he finally has decided to open his mouth. Be attentive. And if there’s silence, let it be. "Some people are uncomfortable with the pregnant pause and rush to fill it with inane jibber jabber. Let silences happen," remarks Masini. Let him be the one to fill the silences. Gently ask questions, this shows that you’re actively listening and it draws him out. Don't rush to judge. He’s finally talking so it’s best not to react negatively to what he’s saying. Many women listen to the stories that men tell only to respond by telling him how he's been looking at it wrong. Remember, he wants to feel acceptance and acknowledgment -- for who he is and not for who you want him to be. Plus, you want him to be honest right; say what is really on his mind and in his heart? If you defend yourself, scrunch your face like a prune or gasp in horror, you will likely affect his feelings of safety. Be patient with him and try to let go of your expectations. Instead, use your body language in a positive way. Nod. Smile. And yet be genuine too. Let Go of The Past. Have you ever had a "discussion" with your partner that ended up turning into a litany of past grievances. You suddenly recall that hurtful thing he told you the other week. Men cringe when they feel this coming. They fear that their words are going to be held against them so they keep their lips pursed. The past is done with. And as frustrating as he makes you feel, remember it takes two to tango. It’s more useful to notice the roles being played in the relationship and the ways in which all of us become stuck in patterns that we don't know how to get out of. Set an Example. The best way to help a man open up is to open yourself. Speak from the heart. When we engage in a discussion, the objective should be the 'greater good.' You're not bringing up something in order to criticize, but because you want to break patterns and evolve your spirit. Right? The people we attract in life serve as mirrors; they reflect different parts of ourselves that need addressing. Finally, remember the love! Use kind words and genuine praise.

Relationships are relentless. Think about it: for most of us, they begin at the end of a struggle – the struggle of searching for someone with whom we click. Then, just when we think the trouble is over, when we've found the one and life will be happily ever after, reality hits: love is work! The good news is there are skills you can learn that make the job easier – and a whole lot more rewarding!! Whether you've been married for years, are considering a relationship or you're combing the scene as a single, remember these keys to romantic success: You've got to talk! Okay, so this is easier for women than it is for men – or so we think. The truth is, being open about the things that mean the most to us can be more difficult than we acknowledge. Sometimes, while men are loathe to blabber on about feelings and women seem to like to "talk" all the time (the phrase "honey we need to talk" comes to mind), when what a woman has to say may threaten the balance or cause a shift of any significance in her relationship, she'll clam up. We get nervous that by asking for what we want or need we're going to lose the man we love if what we say doesn't jive with him. Likewise, men tend to fear showing weakness – which they sometimes confuse with showing emotion – because they want their woman to feel safe. What's the end result of all this? Discontentment and resentment. The solution is simple: you've got to talk! Before all the men out there go running for the hills, I'm not implying that you need to spend hours on the couch belaboring the way you felt last Tuesday when she snapped at you for not doing the dishes or hashing out your emotional growth from ages twelve to fourteen. I'm referring to the big things that affect your day to day and your future, individually and as a pair: hopes, dreams, fears, triggers. In short, if one person in a couple doesn't know how the other person is feeling or what their goals are, then there is no way that either person can expect to give – or get – what they need or want, never mind support in achieving goals or weathering tough times. Learn the art of fighting Choose your battles wisely – everything is not worth fighting for and if you let things escalate over minutia, the important issues won't hold the gravitas they deserve. If things do get heated, never say anything intentionally cruel – you won't be able to take it back afterward. Learn to talk before things get to this stage. Perhaps most importantly, since arguing sometimes is inevitable, know how to say you're sorry. The ability to see when you've been wrong – or even if you haven't been, when you've let something get the best of you – is invaluable. Think about it. A sincere apology goes a long way. Just remember it the next time you're experiencing similar feelings. And try to talk before things get that far! Do things together... the couch doesn't count! The couple that plays together, stays together. This doesn't mean you have to do everything as a team. In fact, individual activities and hanging out with friends are just as important as couple time if a relationship is to be successful. But that's another story (see below), and there's a balance. What's vital in this instance is that as a couple, you spend time together doing things you both enjoy. This keeps things firey, gives you a shared ritual and sustains you when things are tough. Of course, sex is an activity – and a super important one in any romantic relationship (note: physical contact is another key to success). But this connection has got to go beyond the bedroom. There's got to be some ground where you can be friends and moreover, partners in crime! Don't forget who you are! It's easy when we get into relationships to forget who we used to be, the things we liked to do, how we used to spend our time. But one of the most vital elements of a working partnership is that you maintain your individuality as part of a pair. Think about this logically: in order to create one whole, you need two complete halves... otherwise, one or the other of you (most often both) is going to feel that something is missing. No one person can be all things to you. What you do with your girlfriends cannot necessarily be what you do with your mate. But it's not necessary, and in fact, can be detrimental if you make your lover your everything. Identify the areas that are important to you – and know when to include him and when to go it alone or with someone else who's a part of your life! Accept change. Change is going to happen; it's a part of existence. This is why it's so very important that you genuinely like the person with whom you have settled down. It's not necessary that you like every single thing about them (in fact, that's probably impossible), but when it comes to the big things, you've got to want to encourage them. You've got to respect them. You've got to share in their wants, appreciate your differences and perhaps most importantly, you've got to show you care. While the sparks may dwindle or at least periodically rise and fall as the years wear on, always show your partner affection. A kiss, a touch, a sweet word in the middle of a crowded room. Whatever you do, let him or her feel that you support the cause and trust that you're there for the long haul – even if things don't look exactly like either of you planned.

There are very few blanket rules for what constitutes the one. After all, one girl’s prince is another girl’s toad. But there are some telltale signs you’ve got a good guy in your sights. And if you’re like the zillions of ladies who has trouble telling the great catch from the rotten apple, then this one’s for you! The following characteristics will be beneficial to any woman. Whether or not this is the right guy for you is a different story… but if he displays one or more of these qualities, it may mean that he’s worth a shot! You know you’ve reeled in a good one if: He asks questions about you – and listens to the answers. Unlike many women, most men know if they’re attracted to someone pretty quickly – at least in the physical sense. This instinct is usually what leads to initial interest. However, if a great guy is serious about a girl he’s out with, it goes beyond the fact that he finds her pretty or sexy. He wants to understand her (or in lieu of that, since we ladies can be pretty complex creatures) know her. When a guy asks you interesting questions (whether they spring from something you say or begin generally and increase in specificity), he’s making the effort to know you. He wants to see beyond your outside, which may sound simple to us, but for guys (who are oh-so-visual), this indicates deeper interest and at least a modicum of respect. He shares stuff about himself. Men are not taught to communicate or express themselves as freely as women are – or at least many of them are not inclined to doing so. A guy who shares substantive things like his hopes and dreams, feelings or fears (without dominating the conversation) is letting you know that he’s open. Open oftentimes means emotionally available. It may take a little time to find out if that’s the case, but a free and easy going attitude and the ability to express how he feels and where he’s been says a lot. He speaks highly (but not obsessively) about his mom. This is not to say that a guy who doesn’t like his mom can’t be incredible. He totally can. But a guy who has respect for his mother, her accomplishments, her opinions will be more likely to respect you and yours because he had a great female role model and grew up seeing her as capable and smart as well as loving. Does this bode badly for boys from broken homes? No. As most of us know, we all have to get over something. But meeting a guy who had a great mom (and knows it) simply ups the chances he’ll take you seriously as an equal and not just a piece… if you know what I mean! Need some signs that your guy’s mom-relationship is good? Consider: Does he still spend holidays at home or speak about fond memories from childhood that include mom? Both can be good signs. That said, know the difference between mom love and momma’s boy! A momma’s boy isn’t ready to move on (from the womb)! No matter who you are, if that’s the case, you probably don’t have the wherewithal to compete (so don’t try)! He puts effort into your dates – and everything he does! You know the guys when you see them -- all heart, all the time. Not only is this indicative of a good lover (for obvious reasons), but a guy who gives 110% is someone who tries. Sounds simple, but what it really means is that given the right relationship/woman, he will most likely be committed to making it work. A surefire sign you’ve met this guy is the attention he pays to your dates. It’s not necessarily that he spends a lot of money (in fact sometimes it’s what he manages to do without spending a fortune) but it’s the details. Did you mention liking something in passing that suddenly winds up included in your next adventure? Does he think outside the dinner and movie box or go out of his way to find a special kind of restaurant or unique event that will make you smile? He may not be your guy, but he’s certainly the kind of guy that is going to make some woman happy. On that note, don’t confuse the competitive type for the all heart guy (though they can come in the same package). These guys will also strike you as sweet – because giving everything their all also includes being nice to everyone they meet as often as possible! No matter who you are, what you’re looking for or how nuanced your particular romantic situation, there are several qualities that indicate a great mate – or at least, a great date! That said, the best tell that you’ve met a guy who’s good for you won’t be found in anything external. Your gut knows when you’re where you should be and if you pay close enough attention to what it’s saying, you’ll know. The key is learning to trust it!

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP > > Sadly, most of these apply. > ________________________________ > > > 25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP > > 1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. > > 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. > > 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. > > 4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed. > > 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. > > 6. You watch the Weather Channel. > > 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." > > 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. > > 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." > > 10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next > door won't turn down the stereo. > > 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. > > 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. > > 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. > > 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. > > 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. > > 16. You take naps. > > 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. > > 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, > rather than settle, your stomach. > 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and > a pregnancy test. > > 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit." > > 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. > > 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to > > drink that much again." > > 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. > > 24. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them > instead > > of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?" OR "what are you going to > do" > > Bonus: > > > 25: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that > doesn't > apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.