I cannot deal with these douchebags. Every bouncer I have ever encountered at a bar or club is a complete fucktard. For some reason they think they are at the pinnacle of human existence. It’s like working the door at a club is something I should want to be doing. Bouncers need to stop acting like they are movie stars and realize that they work a shitty job like the rest of us. And to top it off, bouncers are the sober dumbasses sitting outside while everyone is having a drunken good time inside.
They are mostly 35 years old, overweight and work at bars or clubs where the predominant age is 21-23. Your weight is the only reason you got hired in the first place. Physically nobody wants to fuck with you because you could smother a small family in your fat folds.
When I was at a club a few weeks ago while standing in line, a stereotypical Down syndrome bouncer plowed into me while my back was turned and yelled at me to “Move! We got VIP’s coming through! Front of the line!!!” I turn to see a bunch of 16 year old looking girls tiptoeing to the front door. I want to say to him, “Look man, those girls are not going to have sex with you. A thought of you will not enter their minds once they are inside. They are USING you!” Bouncers don’t seem to get that simple fact. Nobody likes you; you are being used to get inside the establishment. Everyone has a friend of a friend who knows a bouncer so they get into certain places. We are all nice to you for that split second of interaction, and then I want to end my own life for doing so. You aren’t worth the chair that is straining to hold you off the ground.
Inside the club I’ll be talking to someone and I get shoved again from behind, then turn around to see a scowl on a sweat covered bouncer’s face looking at me like I did something wrong because I happened to be standing in his 8 foot wide path. Get over yourself! Wow, you are such a badass! I would say something but I don’t think your monkey brain could muster up a coherent response.
I have absolutely no respect for bouncers. Writing this makes me feel sorry for all of them…I need a beer.
