My husband of 27 years and I are divorcing; he left me for a woman young enough to be our daughter. He is bringing her to our beach club, where he gropes and fondles her like an adolescent. It’s disgusting and humiliating for our children and me. I asked him to take his tramp elsewhere, but he refused. What should I do?
G. F., Manhattan
You mean before or after you take him to the cleaners?
Sometimes people go off the rails. How else can we explain your husband’s terrible behavior — or John Edwards’s recently disclosed dalliance, or his hair for that matter? And when they do go off track, I say: Stand back!
Since your husband could take his girlfriend to any number of places, his behavior seems intended to humiliate you, or impress those other codgers at the club who fantasize about robbing the cradle themselves. The more you protest, the creepier his behavior will probably become.
I would steer clear of the club until your divorce comes through. Unless there are extenuating circumstances that you haven’t mentioned — a prenup maybe, or an attempt to murder your husband in his sleep — I’m assuming the club membership, as well as the house and most of the larger bank accounts, will soon be yours anyway.
He’s a Teenage Texter
My 13-year-old son has just started going out with girls. I think he comes on too strong. First he’ll call, then text, then call again to see if she’s gotten the text. I suspect the girls find all this communication annoying, but my son doesn’t seem to take the hint. When one stops responding, he just moves on to the next girl. I’d like to tell him to take it slower, but my wife thinks we should stay out of it. What do you think? A. B., Manhattan
The innocence of your question makes me suspect you’ve not yet had the pleasure of watching your flesh-and-blood storm up the stairs, screaming, “I hate you!” at the top of his lungs, then slamming the bedroom door behind him.
Part of me thinks you should speak with your son about phone etiquette — the same way you taught him to shake hands when introduced. But the 13-year-old boy in me keeps rising up to remind me that this isn’t really about the telephone. It’s about your son’s burgeoning romantic life.
I would stay out of it — unless you really liked “Portnoy’s Complaint.”
Nothing you say will overcome your son’s strong impulse to reach out (again and again) to the object of his affection. He’ll keep calling and texting until his pride grows as wounded as his ardor is bold — which could take several years, a number of girls and a calming of the hormonal waters. Interference by you will only make you a handy target for his rage.
If you simply must weigh in, I would incorporate a story of your own excessive behavior in the throes of adolescence. It might be good for bonding. And a pith helmet couldn’t hurt.
LOL! :)
In the last few years, I’ve received e-mail messages from a new friend or someone I’ve begun dating, and noticed their reliance on the dreaded emoticon, with its winks and happy faces. I find this a terrible turnoff. How do I politely tell someone to respect my literacy?L. K.
Oh, smarty pants! Unless your initials stand for “Lil’ Kim” — out of prison and clearly able to take care of herself — the world is about 10 times more likely to knock you down than it is to wink at you. So can you try to appreciate the sentiment behind those moronic smiley faces?
Emoticons can be annoying — as are lame acronyms (LOL!) and alphanumeric combinations (gr8!). But your friends are trying to humanize their chilly computer screens and cellphones, where we do so much of our writing these days. They’re also a little lazy and probably underestimating your ability to interpret written English.
No need to say anything. Just steer clear of the winks and crudely drawn facial expressions yourself. After a few volleys, when they see they’re the only ones playing, they’ll probably dial it back.
If not, how would you feel about inventing your own emoticon — perhaps a smirking face spitting in disgust?
Belching Boss
My boss frequently belches and sneezes on my desk without covering her mouth or using a tissue. I don’t say a word. What can I say to make it stop? Anonymous
“Pass the Purell, please!”
Before you say anything to your boss, be sure she can take constructive criticism. If so, toss her a Kleenex the next time she sneezes on you, and let her know she is welcome to use them. The belching should stop, as well.
If not, buy yourself a box of Surgigloves until you find yourself another gig.
referrence:www.sterlingtiffany.com
