kittycelt's blog: "Commentaries on Life"

Dr Seuss' Guide to computers (With apologies to Dr. Seuss) Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say. If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol That's repeatedly rejected by your printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of Gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

Subject: No bill of rights This is the way the bill of rights should have been written... The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. The guy should run for President... PREAMBLE We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some resemblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, and delusional. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights. ARTICLE I. You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be...and like the rest of us, you need to simply deal with it. ARTICLE III You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy by telling them they didn't warn you not to stick the screwdriver in your eye. ARTICLE IV You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. ARTICLE V. You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we should be wary of public health care or public anything. ARTICLE VI You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair (yes, capital punishment). ARTICLE VII You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV, pool tables, weight rooms, or a life of leisure. ARTICLE VIII You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. ARTICLE IX You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness --which by the way-- is a lot easier if you are not encumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights, ARTICLE X. This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from. We welcome you here. English is our language and like the one you left behind, we also have a culture. Learn it or go back to the country and the living conditions you were fleeing." If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it is about time common sense is allowed to flourish -- just call it "The Age of Reason Revisited."

Psychoanalyze Yourself. Answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means. (No cheating!) 1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. With who? 2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it? 3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal? 4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it. 5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? 6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see a table. What's on AND around it? 7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it? 8. What do you do with the cup? 9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it? . 10. How will you cross the water? ANSWERS: 1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life. 2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life. 3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems. 4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems. 5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced. 6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy. 7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship. 8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude. 9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire. 10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life

55 Odd Questions. Be truthful. 1.) Do you talk in your sleep? Yes, sometimes 2.) Red Jello or Blue Jello? red jello 3.) Whats getting on your nerves right now? The children I work with 4.) What's your favorite color? Purple 5.) Window seat or aisle seat? Aisle 6.) Ever met anyone famous? Randy Owen from Alabama 7.) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? Im getting there 8.) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl 9.) Dr. Phil or Oprah Winfrey? Fuck em both 10) Basketball or Football? FOOTBALL 11.) How long do your showers last? 3 minutes to half an hour 12.) Do you know how to drive a stick? yes 13.) Personality or Looks? personality is first 14.) Are you self-conscious? To a fault 15.) Have you ever given money to a bum? yeah 16.) Can you jog 5k without stopping? Why would I want to? 17.) Where do you wish you were? Out of this state 18. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Too many times 19. Can you tango? no 21.) Last gift you received? Card from my son 22.) Last sport you played? swimming? 23.) Things you spend a lot of money on? bills 24.) Last gift you gave? Robe to Grandma 25) Favorite fast food? Carl's Jr. 26) Can you sing? My son thinks I can and thats important 27) Last person you called/called you? Erin 28) What's your least favorite chore? Cleaning muh house 29) Favorite Drink? diet DP 30) Do you eat fish? rarely 31) Do you miss someone? yeah 32) Have you ever come close to dying? Yes 33. Are you drinking anything? nope 34) Are you eating? nope 35) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? fuck no 36) Do you wear makeup? nope 37) What’s your worst fear? dying 38)Would you ever have plastic surgery? maybe 39) What do you wear to bed? nothing 41) What kind of sneakers do you usually wear? Walmart Specials 42.) Current annoyance? work 43. Do/did you watch Pokemon or Dragonball Z? nope 45) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Japan or washington 46) Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes 47) If you won the lottery what would you do first? Retire 48) Gold or silver? Silver 49) Hamburger or hot dog? Hamburger 50) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? ice cream 51) You prefer city, beach, country? Country 52) What was the last thing you touched? my mouse 53) Where were you an hour ago? sleeping 54) Who were you with? no one 55) When was the last time you cried? today

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments. No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot." After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary" Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists" That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again. The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late. And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful. If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care. If you're "too busy" to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about. Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own. May Your Day Be Blessed As Special As You Are

WHY GOD MADE MOMS Answers given by second grade school children to the following questions: Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of ? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 1. We're related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me. What kind of little girl was your mom? 1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did mom need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your mom marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball. 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between moms & dads? 1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. 4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. What does your mom do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't do spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your mom perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING -- SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!

Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end, Yet the days go by and weeks rush on, And before I know it, a year is gone. And I never see my old friends face, For life is a swift and terrible race, He knows I like him just as well, As in the days when I rang his bell. And he rang mine but we were younger then, And now we are busy, tired men. Tired of playing a foolish game, Tired of trying to make a name. "Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim Just to show that I'm thinking of him." But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes, And distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner, yet miles away, "Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today." And that's what we get and deserve in the end. Around the corner, a vanished friend. Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

*NEW YORK* A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'" When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

A mother is special. She's as soft and graceful as a butterfly, yet as strong and courageous as a grizzly bear. Her heart is large enough to hold everyone's pain and joy. Her hands are always gentle and soothing. Her arms are always warm and tender. She works hard to make a home feel like home, and she strives to make life pleasant and comfortable for those she loves. She never fails to go that extra mile to make the holidays happy and memorable. Her job is the most difficult and demanding ever known to any human being, yet she's fully dedicated to the task. She's always there for her family, guiding them and keeping them safe from harm. She owns a magical way to raise spirits and make everything feel better. And her sympathy, unselfishness and forgiveness are unending. All that anyone is or could ever hope to be can be attributed to a mother. She instills the teachings that will last a lifetime. She sows the seeds of virtue and morality, and in the process, she opens up love and vast horizons. She's always watching and hoping that her children's goals will have meaning. She always listens and tries to understand even when it's difficult to do so. She's a true friend in every sense of the word. She's noble and sublime, and holds all the beauty of a golden day, yet even during the storms, she always shines bright like an evening star. Her name should be honored well, for she's the closest thing to God on earth.

¢¾Kiss on the stomach = I'm ready ¢¾Kiss on the Forehead = I hope we're together forever ¢¾Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything ¢¾Kiss on the Cheek = You look so cute ¢¾Kiss on the Hand = I adore you ¢¾Kiss on the Neck = We belong together ¢¾Kiss on the Shoulder = I want you ¢¾Kiss on the Lips = I love you What the gesture means... ¢¾Holding Hands = We definitely like each other ¢¾Slap on the butt = That's mine ¢¾Holding on tight = I don't want to let go ¢¾Looking into each other's Eyes = I just plain love you ¢¾Playing with Hair = Tell me you love me ¢¾Arms around the Waist = I love you too much to let go ¢¾Laughing while Kissing = I am completely comfortable with you ***Advice*** *Dont ask for a kiss, take one.* **If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love.** **Requirements** *Post this again after reading!!! Or you will have a bad year of Relationships. *****If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now and can't get them out of your head then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you!!!