wildcherry28's blog: "CURIOUS"

Well I am sitting here and I am lost. Well baffled really. I have been booze free for 6 days now, which is a huge thing for me. And it seems that now that I am clean I am more alone than when I was out there boozing it up. I am devastated that it still consumes people I care a great deal about. So much that they have made the choice to keep boozing over keeping me. Talk about craping on my heart. And what sucks is it is like they don't even care that they are doing this to not only themselves but to me as well. Like oh hummmmm no biggy I still Have the bottle and thats all I need to be happy. I guess what kills me the most is that I feel like I am not good enough to stop drinking for. But, as a boozer trying to quit myself I realize that it is a disease hat consumes your life and all in it. You say ur don't have a problem, i only do it every now and then. But in all actualality you do it daily. Any whooo. I just needed to vent a little bit. It just kills me that when I was out boozing I was excepted, now that I am clean.....or at least trying to be, I am left alone. It is a very lonely place. But in my eyes it is worth it. My life is more important to me than boozing it up. I need me, and my son deserves a sober mom. Maybe someday he shall see that I was a good woman, and that all he had to do was walk away from the bottle. It could've been great. But this to shall pass, and I know everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew why.

SORRY FOR THE MISTAKE.......I SENT ALL MY FRIENDS A EMAIL TO CHECK SOMEONE OUT...I WANTED IT TO ONLY GO TO 1 FRIEND BUT I HIT THE WRONG THING.....SORRY TO YOU ALL

HAVE YOU EVER FELT SO ALONE THAT YOU JUST WANTED TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE. HAVE YOU EVER HAD THAT SINKING FEELING INSIDE THAT ALL HAS BEEN LOST. HAVE YOU EVER WISHED YOUR LIFE WAS SOME PLACE ELSE THEN WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO RUN SO FAST AND SO FAR AWAY NO ONE WOULD EVER FIND YOU. HAVE YOU EVER CRYED SO MUCH THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER STOP. HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS JUST TO GET A LITTLE BIT OF ANGER OUT. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO MAD THAT YOU CUT OFF THE WORLD FROM YOUR LIFE. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HURT BY A FRIEND YOU THOUGHT WAS FAMILY. HAVE YOU EVER WISHED THAT YOU COULD JUST VANISH. HAVE YOU EVER WANTED SOMETHING SO BAD IT HURT INSIDE. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO SAD THAT NOTHING MATTERED. HAVE YOU EVER..........I HAVE

WELL YA ALL KNOW WHAT MY LAST BLOG WAS ABOUT....WELL SINCE I POSTED IT NOW SHE IS MAD AT ME......MADE AT ME.....WTF.....I COULD'VE GOT MAD AND PISSY AND NOT WANTED TO TALK TO HER EITHER....HEVEN FORBID A GIRL VENT OUT HER ANGER....OH THAT MUST BE A CRIM IN LIFE IT SELF. NOT ONLY AM I BEING PUNISHED FOR THIS BLOG BUT SO ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN NEED OF HER FRIENDSHIP. BUT OHHHHHHH EFFIN WELLL AS LONG AS SHE IS HAPPY THAT IS ALL THAT COUNTS. THROW UR PITTY PARTY OF...OH JEN IS HURT WHEN SHE SAID IT WAS OK AND NOW IT ISN'T BULL CACA..AND GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON.....WE ALL HAVE....IT IS CALLED BEING AN ADULT.....IN ALL ACTUALITY IF I DID THIS TO YOU...YOU WOULD BE A LITTLE HURT AND IT WOULD STING....SOOOOOOO WHATEVER I AM OVER IT AND SO SHOULD YOU...I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY IF I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR REALATIONSHIP WITH HIM RIGHT NOW....OR IF I AM NOT JUMPING FOR JOY....PUT URSELF IN MY SHOES AND THINK HOW U WOULD FEEL....HONESTLY.......WOW THIS IS SOME SHIT

THE MEN I MEET JUST KEEP GETTING WORSE AND WORSE. MET A GUY RIGHT......HE SAID I WAS VERY PRETTY AND BLAH BLAH BLAH......COMES OVER AND MEETS A FRIEND.......DECIDEDS HE LIKES HER MORE AND HOOKS UP WITH HER........DOESN'T EVEN GIVE ME THE CURTISY TO SAY HEY YOUR COOL AND ALL AND I WOULD LIKE TO BE JUST FRIENDS...BUT I HAVE MORE INTEST IN UR GIRL...NAH HE JUST QUIT TALKING TO ME ALL TOGETHER AND STARTS ANSWERING ONLY TXT MESSAGES SHE SENDS....I TOLD HER TO GO FOR IT THOUGH...WHO AM I TO STAND IN THE WAY OF SOMEONE ELSES HAPPINESS. JUST BURNS A LITTLE. I ALREADY HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AS IT IS. THEN TO BRING A GUY OVER WHO I WAS TO HOOK UP WITH...AND UMMPHFFFFF SCREW U SHE IS HOTTER......... DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BOTHER ME THIS MUCH BUT FUCK IT IS AND IN A REALLY SHITTY WAY. GUESS I HAVE LEARNED A LESSON...NEVER LET A GUY U R TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH MEET FRIENDS WHO ARE HOTTER THAN YOU. SUCH AS MY LUCK I GUESS. SHIT HERE LATELY ALL I GET ARE ASSHOLES ANYWAYS SO WHY BRAKE THE RUTINE WITH THIS GUY... IT IS JUST A MAJOR BLOW TO THE SELF ESTEEM YA KNOW. I MEAN GEEZE HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF U MET A GUY YOU WERE TOTALY CRUSHING ON...BROUGHT HIM TO UR HOUSE. YOU TWO WERE CHILLIN, TALKING HAVING A MERRY OLD EFFIN TIME....THEN UR GIRL WALKS IN AND UMMPPPHHFFF U SUDDENLY DO NOT EXSIST ANYMORE. "SLAP ME IN TH FACE A LITTLE HARDER PLEASE" BUT I GUESS IT 'S OK CAUSE HE THINKS I AM A COOL CHICK...WHHHHEEEEEWWWWY. YIPPY FOR ME. NEXT TIME U WANNA GIVE ME A WOUND CAN U CUT A LITTLE DEEPER CAUSE THAT ONE DIDN'T HURT BAD ENOUGH. NOW THEY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. GOODY GOODY GUM DROPS FOR THEM. SORRY IF I DON'T TO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!

I SIT HERE IN AWW OF SOME OF THE FEMALES ON HERE. THEY ARE EVER SO BEAUTIFUL. I QUESTION MYSELF A LOT IN THIS AREA. I FIND MYSELF WISHING TO ONLY LOOK HALF AS GOOD AS THEY DO. DON'T GET ME WRONG I HAVE A GREAT PERSONALITY.....LOVE IT WHEN I AM TOLD THAT..... BUT TO KNOW I LOOK GOOD. TO FEAL I LOOK GOOD. THAT WOULD EFFIN ROCK