Death of a Salesman
Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, the Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man whom "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still (even as a crusty old man) considered to be a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough, their two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
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