Anyone who knows me... knows that I am the night shift charge nurse of an ER.... a rewarding, yet difficult profession. Recently, I had an infant to die in the ER. This is the hardest part of our jobs. We are all alike... everyone... you ask yourself... what do I say to this family?... what do I do?... How do I react? And sometimes... you just don't know the answers to these questions until the very second that they present before you.
I have been an ER nurse for several years... and have worked at major trauma centers, so it takes alot for a certain case to stick out in your mind. I will never forget this one....
The infant was already dead when she arrived at the ER... we all knew that... but for the sake of the family... for the sake of your own heart... you work... and you work hard. An innocent child... you do not want to lose. After an hour or so of intense medications and procedures with no positive signs... everyone becomes somnolent. Then there is the dreaded sound of the doc pronouncing the time of death.
This particular patient... this particular doc... it was heart-wrenching. Trying to hide his emotions... the doc simply tilted his head slightly back and to the right... so that when the small tear melted into his hairline... no one would see.... but I did. I saw that emotion.... something you rarely see in an ER doc. ER doctors and nurses have this unspoken understanding... we try to hide our emotions. You have to. If you are going to save that precious life... then your emotions must be placed on the backburner... you can grieve later.. but for now.. you must do your job to the best of your ability. How many physicians have you ever see cry... over the death of a complete stranger? In my years in this profession... this I have to say was the first.
The loss of an innocent child will effect you... it may not affect you the same as it does ole Florence ... but in the end.... it will affect you. As I watched that tear disappear, I knew... all of us in that room would do the same eventually. I knew that we would all have to express our emotions. As our shift ended and we all walked silently to our cars... no words had to be said... we all would go home... to our own children, husbands, wives, or even pets. Where this family would go home to an empty crib. I can now express my emotions in the form of tears.
