DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS (Match.com etc):
1. 40-ish................................49.
2. Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.
3. Athletic...............................No breasts.
4. Average looking....................Moooo.
5. Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
6. Emotionally Secure................On medication.
7. Feminist................................Fat.
8. Free spirit.............................Junkie.
9. Friendship first......................Former slut.
10. New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places.
11. Old-fashioned.......................No BJs.
12. Open-minded.......................Desperate.
13. Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing.
14. Professional..........................B$tch.
15. Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S RESPONSES:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S STATEMENTS:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. How about a cup of coffee later? = I'd like to have sex with you.
12. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.
