Approaching a woman and starting a conversation
without rejection is a SKILL. It can be LEARNED.
I did it, and I now know that it's possible for
ANY guy to learn how to do it QUICKLY. If you'd
like to learn more, and get the "fast track"
eduction, then take a minute and read THIS:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/ApproachingWomen/
I'd like to address a problem that is so common
that it seems silly to even mention it...
It's the idea that too often we use our
powerful minds and emotions to cause ourselves to
FAIL with women rather than SUCCEED with women.
Fear of women can actually become a HABIT that
leads to failure.
Let me ask you a question:
Have you ever been in a situation where you saw
a woman that you wanted to meet, but you didn't go
over and talk to her?
Duh. Of course... we all have.
This is UNIVERSAL. We've all been there so many
times that the question doesn't even need to be
asked.
But, the question I want to answer is "Why?"
Why is it that when we see a woman that we'd
like to meet, we don't just walk over and start
talking to her?
What is it that we're doing inside of our heads
that is preventing us from just DOING IT?
Why do we prevent ourselves from being
successful, when it would be SOOOO EASY?
And, an even MORE interesting question is:
How do we overcome this self- defeating pattern
of thought and action?
I have one friend who I've seen get 25 phone
numbers over the course of a weekend (I saw him
get every one of them)... and all of them were
from women that he had met on the spot.
Most of them took less than 5 minutes to get.
Now, I have many OTHER friends that can't even
ask a woman for her number after they've talked to
her a HUNDRED TIMES... and they KNOW she's single.
By the way, I have a LOT more of this type of
friend...
So, what the hell is going on here?
Well, like most answers to questions like this
one, the explanation and solution is both very
simple and VERY complex.
The short answer is that most of us guys let
our initial EMOTIONAL REACTIONS and our
IMAGINATIONS keep us from taking action.
In other words, we see a woman we'd like to
meet, we become nervous (for reasons we can't
explain logically), we feel FEAR, we make all
kinds of negative MENTAL IMAGES, and we finally
just decide that it isn't worth it... so we just
walk away.
But, isn't this CRAZY behavior?
I mean, it doesn't make any sense at all when
you REALLY reflect and think about it, right?
Doesn't it make sense that we should just
REALIZE that nothing bad is going to happen, and
instantly change how we behave towards women?
Now that we KNOW what we do, shouldn't we be
able to just walk out the door and start meeting
women RIGHT NOW?
Well, yes... we SHOULD be able to do that.
But like I mentioned, there's an aspect of this
problem that is very COMPLEX... and therefore not
as easy to change quickly.
As any dog trainer will tell you, a bad HABIT
isn't always easy to change. If you've been doing
this for awhile, then it might take more than just
some positive thinking to get this handled.
Awhile back, I read a fascinating book called
"Mean Genes" that was written by a couple of
evolution specialists.
Inside this book, these guys point out that
humans are HORRIBLE at assessing risk and return,
and that they often make horrible decisions for
themselves.
But here's the kicker: We all make the SAME
risk/return mistakes in the SAME situations... and
this is most likely a GENETIC pre-disposition!
In other words, WE'RE BORN WITH IT.
So, you might see a woman that you'd like to
talk to, then use your imagination to create some
painfully scary ideas about how you might get
rejected (which wouldn't happen in a million
years), and then you feel a wave of fear and
nervousness wash over your entire body... and you
decide it's just not worth it, so you walk away.
This is that "automatic bad risk/return system"
in action.
And often, these poor decisions cause us to say
to ourselves, "Damn it. Why do I keep doing that?
I'm a such a loser..." and we beat ourselves up
even MORE over it.
As you know, these can become self-fulfilling
prophesies and just make themselves BIGGER over
time.
So, what's the answer? Before I tell you
the answer, I want to mention something: If you
have SERIOUS trouble with fear and approaching
women, then you need to address that fear in a
more SERIOUS way. The best way is to read THIS:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/DeepInnerGame/
Well, first you have to BREAK THE HABIT of
making yourself feel BAD and AFRAID, and LEARN the
habit of making yourself feel GOOD and OPTIMISTIC.
Remember, you've been doing things the way you
do them for a long time now, so it might take some
PRACTICE to be able to do this in the moment every
time you need to...
Here are some action steps:
1) Take some time to vividly imagine the BEST
possible outcome of walking up and talking to a
woman that you find attractive. Every time you see
a woman that you'd like to meet, just do this. Try
it for a few days. Then realize that this BEST
outcome is far more likely than your WORST idea of
what could happen. Read that again. Your BEST
outcome IS FAR MORE LIKELY than your worst.
2) Make a "realistic" list of the worst things
that could happen, then decide exactly what you'd
do if any of them actually did happen. You'll
realize that you can deal with them and live
through it.
3) Realize that NOT taking the risk to meet a
woman is actually a BIGGER risk in the LONG RUN of
your overall life. If you risk NOT meeting her,
you'll never know what might have happened, and if
you let it become a habit, it will keep you from
realizing ALL your dreams in life.
Think about it... in any given situation, YOU
have the opportunity to make a "free bet": Your
bet is you walking over and starting a
conversation.
Possible loss: Getting turned down.
Possible gain: Use that creative imagination.
You do the math.
This is like going to Las Vegas and having a
casino say to you, "OK, you can bet all day long
as much as you want. If you win, you keep all the
money. If you lose, you lose nothing."
Are you with me?
Use this concept to go out and overcome your
habit of not talking to women. Do it now.
By the way, if you have other "inner issues"
that you need to address in the area of women and
dating, I'd like to recommend that you go and
check out my "Deep Inner Game" program.
This program contains a system and set of tools
you can use to fix and overcome your Inner Game
problems... and there is nothing like it anywhere
else on the planet.
If you'd like to overcome your fear of
approaching women, along with all of the other
Inner Game issues that are coming up for you, then
go check this out. Watch the video preview clips.
And get it:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/DeepInnerGame/
Finally, if you're interested in a deeper
education on the topic of ATTRACTION, then I
recommend that you read my second book "Attraction
Isn't A Choice". This will take you "behind the
scenes" and teach you why women are attracted to
some men and not others... and how to create it
with all kinds of things OTHER than compliments,
food, gifts, and ass-kissing. You can go and
download it here, and be reading it within just a
few minutes:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/AttractionBook/
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. Make sure you take a minute and look at the
online video clips of ALL of my different dating
programs. You'll learn a ton by watching them:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/Catalog/
P.P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,
Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs
max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask
your question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuff
is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well
your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I
DO need to hear all of the specifics... because
this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success
Story" in the subject line of the email. I read
these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials
and tell me where you're from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com
...don't just hit "reply" to this email.
Thanks!
