why the hell people are stupid, especially over the internet? [6:31pm]
Sorry, forgot to timestamp it as always. So, I decided to log into my yahoo messenger. I hadn't or haven't done so in a few days. One of my ex-crushes logs on. No, not last year's crush. His name is Hector. This is another person I had a crush on when I was 19. His name is Jay. I know such a short name. Mind you, he's latin. Anywho, he logs on when I logged on, though I think he was on invisible. Anywho, he hits me up and asks what i've been up to.
I told him I've been busy, especially with my trip. I leave for Oregon tomorrow night, for those who didn't know, which is just about everyone on my list. I'm going out there for a business trip. Only a few people know.
So Jay asks me and then practically begs to hang out for a couple of hours. You know where this is leading to right? *sighs* He wants to hook up. I told him I'm not too big on the idea. I'm 22 right now, and I don't need that drama. Not right now. I've been through too much as of late, which is why I'm rarely online. Sorry peeps, I will make it up to everyone eventually!!!
So yeah, I keep ignoring his questions, until he finally decided to give up and tell me he's not begging anymore and will wait until I'm ready. I think he has a mini crush on me though he doesn't want to admit it. I mean he was just being persistant about the whole hook up thing b/c he knows I wouldn't do it, and I know he wouldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do, but still. Just give me space.
Honestly, I've had other thoughts trouble me a bit. I've thought about getting back out there and "date" and find myself a decent guy. What I'm getting at is I'm ready for a relationship.
This came about a few weeks ago when I was hanging out with one of my exes. We were talking about we've both grown and changed and are headed in different directions. He said he's done being in relationships for a while and is going to focus on his daughter, whom I am proud of. She's 13 I believe. So, he asked me what I wanted to do, and I just couldn't answer back. I told him I was going to go back out there and see what happens. He said whoever I end up with will be lucky. I'll make someone a lucky person. I didn't understand until a couple of weeks ago.
I've never had so much attention in my life. My ex crush Hector started coming back around. Cesar told me he still likes me, and well other guys in my life are coming around now. I'm not confused, but I just want to be held and told everything's going to be alright.
I'm losing my job in April, I barely got my car back, I want to have ME time before I go back out there. Initially, that's what I thought I wanted. ME time includes going back out there to test the waters. It's been a long time since I've had a stable and healthy relationship!!!
One of my friends knows how much I want to have a baby. We've often talked about it, though I'm the one who's brought up the situation in general. I mean I know I'm not going to have a baby with him. But still, I've talked to him as if he knew what my thoughts were about motherhood. My body is ready and my biological clock is ticking. Yes I know... you're thinking, "She's too young.." but actually not my clock.
I'm not trying to be crude, but I first had my visitor when I was 9. So see where that comes from? Most get it when they're 13-16. I was an early bloomer. It didn't bother me until I was 19. I've had two losses and I mourned for them, but it wasn't meant to be. This time around, I'd like to carry full term and feel the joy of motherhood. Wow...
I went out of topic. Ok well I know not that many people will read it.. but still my thoughts... 6:44pm
