Imp3rf3ctly P3rf3ct BHA's blog: "Everyday life"

Found out a week ago that my baby girl has to have surgery on July 17th. She was injured at birth and has what is called Erb's Palsy. Basically her bracial plexus nerve was damaged when they pulled on her too hard after she got stuck. She literally had no ability to move her right arm for the first few months of her life. After a lot of therapy she was able to start moving it. I remember the first day I saw that happened I was so ecstatic i cried! She had therapy up until she was about 3 years old and for someone that knew nothing about her birth injury, she looked fine. However, we recently learned that due to a muscle imbalance if we don't do something now to correct it, when she is in her teens, her shoulder could come out of the socket and it could require extensive surgery! So in this surgery they are going to take some of the strong muscles from the front of her arm/shoulder and transfer to the back of the arm/shoulder. She will be in an arm brace 24/7 for at least 6 weeks. She will be starting kindergarten in this arm brace and I feel so bad! The surgery takes place 5 days before her 5th birthday. I'm nervous as hell but I know she is my lil hellion due to all she has already been through. Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers please!!

Love all my fu-friends!!!

I figured I owed my dear and close friends an explaination as to why my family has been erased and I disappeared for a lil while. I try to make everyone happy and one way or another I hurt someone's feelings. I hate that because I love and care for all my close friends. I hold each one of you dear to my heart and I would help you out in any way, shape or form. At the same time of this drama I've also had to deal with a very sick 4 year old. She went into the doctor last Thursday with a 103 degree fever and we were told it was just due to a small ear infection. I had her back to the doctor on Monday when the fever was still spiking that high off and on. I have a fear of fevers with her because she is prone to having febrile seizures if the fever gets too bad. So after many tests on Monday I was told she had walking pneumonia and the possibility of Kawasaki Syndrome. She had blood work yesterday and that turned out negative for the syndrome but her white blood count was very low and the markers for the anti-inflammatories was very high. So she is still on medication to try and see what will stabilize it all. Throw in four college classes that I'm struggling with right now and still having to work in between taking care of my lil one and I'm wondering when I'm going to be able to breathe again! So please just remember that if you are my close friend I love you to death and I'm sorry if I've ever hurt your feelings.

Divorce after 12 1/2 years doesnt come easily no matter how much you want it. I miss my girls..we share them equally and this has been the hardest time of my life ever! They are with their dad during the week for school since I was the one that had to move out since I was the one that wanted the divorce. I get them on the weekends and the hardest is taking them home on Sundays! I can't tell you how many times I've come back to my apartment and cried. My ex seems to think that I have no emotion over any of this...I just choose to not show it freely! In one more week (school will be out) they will be with me during the week and I can't wait for all that time with them. My girls mean the world to me but I will be honest and tell you I wouldn't stay married for them. I've noticed over the years that the philosphy of staying together for the kids has changed. Its not always better to do that! Even though I was married for so long I'm still so young! I have such a life ahead of me yet and no matter what I will still be the best mom I can be and will always put my girls first! It's all hard but I take it one day at a time. That's all I can do otherwise I believe I would have a freaking mental breakdown. I love my girls! That's all that matters now...

I move into my own apartment a week from today! Im currently packing my stuff and it feels sooo weird! The divorce papers get filed on Friday. I'm so exhausted from all of this I feel like I could sleep for a month! You don't realize the toll something like this can have on a person until you experience it yourself!

So as of yesterday the decision is final. It was actually a "mutual" decision. My marital status will be changing and I will be moving out in the next couple of months. With all this said and done and with it being something we both agreed on it still hurts like hell! The next few months are going to be the hardest I've ever lived through! I'm already so exhausted and drained. How does one get through something like this! All I ask is that my "true" friends help me through this! You know I love you guys!

Its been a while since I've posted anything and since the last time things have changed drastically! When things have been a certain way for over 12 years and then you realize change might be inevitable...its hard. I'm actually staying on my own right now to think and make one of the hardest decisions in my life. Whether to continue with my marriage or to call it quits...It's amazing how many people it will affect one way or another and no matter what I do someone will be hurt. Thats what I hate the most knowing I will be the cause of hurt for someone...whether it be me or someone else. Its funny how you can't wait to grow up and be an "adult" but how I wish things could be so simple. Even then the simple "break up" wasn't has hard as what Im going through now. Regardless life will go on but somehow it will never be the same. I hope I make the right decison.

I went skiing this weekend for the first time ever! I'm such a fucking klutz too! I took a lesson and that went fairly well! Made it on the ski lift and went to exit off of it...that's when life as I know it changed! I lost my momentum getting off and decided to fall backwards towards the ski lift chair - hitting my head. I never knew the position your legs can end up under you much less with skis on! The funny thing is I was joking about the way I was going to have to come down the mountain - I said it would be by Ski Patrol! Yep - so I did! This happened yesterday and when we got home today I had to go to Urgent Care cause I couldn't turn my neck and it hurt to swallow. So as I'm typing this and I'm sure some of ya'll are laughing at me (it's okay, I'm still laughing at myself) I'm sitting in a flipping neck brace. I messed up the left muscle pretty good in my neck. I however did get two good shots of a pain killer and a muscle relaxer along with prescriptions for both! So I will be stuck home tomorrow wondering why I'm such a klutz!

Apparently Im being down rated to a 1 (and I hope the person that did it reads this) because I supposedly don't comment or rate! I haven't done a lot of that in a long time and Im sorry if anyone feels slighted! I have never meant to offend anyone and I'm sure a lot of you will think I'm stupid for caring but that is the type of girl I am. I don't mean to ignore friends or anybody for that matter. So if you feel that way please feel free to delete me and again Im really sorry. I'm trying to get back into the commenting! I do appreciate everyone that has become my friend!

So I just posted another blog and made a small comment bout my birthday and that made me realize what Im going to be doing next weekend for it! I am going up to a ski resort called Angel Fire and going to learn how to ski! I am soooooooo excited. I have never done that and even though Im totally over snow right now I can't wait. Friday is my birthday - woo hoo! - and we leave that morning for the weekend! I'm sure I will be coming home with more sore muscles but oh what fun. We are even going to do night snow tubing! Wish me luck and send me warm thoughts! Oh and if you are interested I love flowers and jewelry for my birthday! lol Mwah!

So I finally decided instead of whining about myself and my weight I would do something! I have joined WeightWatchers and started working out at home! I have a long way to go until I reach my ultimate goal but I will achieve it! So I did an AB ball and Pilates work out tonight and OMG - I have muscles I never knew about! I know when I get up tomorrow my body will be calling me names that no decent person should hear. LMAO But all of this will be worth it in the end! I appreciate all my friends that give me such nice and hot compliments but one day I will truly be hot and sexy! Well at least my body! lol The only thing I'm worried about is my butt won't go away but my boobs will! I LOVE my boobs as some as you might know and I pray they will stay the way they are but I do so hope my butt goes down! lol As usual thanks for listening to my ramblings! PS - MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING! YAYYYYYYYY!