OK............ so today I get a package in the mail.. I was of course delighted as I wasn't expecting one and love surprises. I see it is from my mother.
Now my mother...who I affectionally call Torqemada, because she is the Grand Inquistitor and has excellent methods of torture to get info....... ( like asking you 28 times in 2 hours and won't quit when she wants to know something)
But I digress..... Lets just leave it at MY MOM IS SORTA STRANGE.
Now I have proof.
So I open the package wondering to myself " whatever can this be"
On top there was some books.....nice..... I like books, it was very thoughtful. As I dug deeper I found old pictures of me. Ok, I get it small child pics of me in many bad haircuts ( thanks for those bowl cuts mom, yeah I know I looked hot in em) Fair enough, still reasonable. Then it got weird.
Next layer......more pictures......... of my ex husband and our wedding. Ok, why did I want these? Did I ask for them? No I didn't, I'm thinking, well she coulda tossed them, but ok.
After that, I hit the MOTHERLODE of what the FUCK???????
My mother bless her heart saves everything......EVERYTHING! and now I have proof.
Included in the special stash of CRAP was......
A letter I wrote from camp when I was 7. Literary giant I was not.
A wedding invitation from 1988 to my first husband( say it with me now..WTF???)
Bad pictures of dead relatives I never met. I think they are relatives.who knows?
Then......... there it was........sitting there folded up ....so I opened it.
My mother sent me a copy of a in school suspension I got in the 9th grade.
For smoking. And the further indignity of not having a hall pass. Thats right you read that right. She saved this, and sent it to me. as well as not only all my old report cards but my sisters as well.
WTF??????
And do I really want to know?
Then I started thinking......... yanno..that in school suspension, it really was double jeopardy the smoking AND no hall pass. Can they really do that the bastards? I mean had I asked for a hall pass to hide in the john and smoke this would have been ok then?
Can I get this overturned, this stain on my permanent school record?
Then I read my report cards. Gee they were politally incorrect in the 70's.
I take great umbrage of being called a complete goof off by a teacher in 1977. It pains me. In fact, it may well be the source of my anguish insecurities and emtional distress I suffered later in life.( SCREW YOU Mr. Rys. You runied my life you bastard!!!)
If a teacher said that now they would get sued.
So now I must call my old school and demand new replacement politcally correct report cards......and can I sue them for possible emotional distress during my delicate formative years?
Yes, I will actually call my old schools and demand this. I'm sure it will amuse the fuck outta them. They will see I still kept that sense of humor I always displayed................ what was it they called it? Ah yes..... goof off later replaced by disrespectful then later upgraded to insubordinate and a troublemaker.
Finally after all these years I have someone to blame. THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM !!! They done me wrong!
Now that I think of it..thank you mom, you unwittingly unlocked the key to my poor self esteem.......you are truly brilliant in your being a pack rat and sending me really weird shit. Now if I could just figure out why she sent my sisters report cards.....................
Perhaps I need therapy, no doubt theres a hidden message there as well.
