Judy's blog: "Funnies..."

Billy Bob Gates Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders.. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with duct Tape and a Hefty Bag.. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa.. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos.. The Recycle Bin in Winders would be an outhouse.. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunken redneck yelling Free bird! Instead of Start Me Up the Winders theme song would be Sweet Home Alabama.. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt.. Microsoft's programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++.. Winders logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag.. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word.. Instead of latte carts we'd have grits carts.. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz".. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse.. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver.. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire.. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard.. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator.. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates.. Instead of asking "where do you want to go today? it's more like Hey mister, can I ketch a ridein the back? Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad.. New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?

For all of you beer lovers out there..(like me!) SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear. FAULT: It's water, somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: You're on your own. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar. Author Unknown

(he probably doesn't know cuz he drank so much, LOL)

Horoscope For Southerners It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should now get rid of them. When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no damn water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either. SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.. OKRA Dec 22 - Jan 20 Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies. CHITLIN Jan 21 - Feb 19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around. BOLL WEEVIL Feb 20 - Mar 20 You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it. MOON PIE Mar 21 - Apr 20 You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not. POSSUM Apr 21 - May 21 When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over. CRAWFISH May 22 - Jun 21 Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads. COLLARDS Jun 22- Jul 23 Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache. CATFISH Jul 24 - Aug 23 Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies. GRITS Aug 24 - Sep 23 Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. BOILED PEANUTS Sep 24 - Oct 23 You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you. BUTTER BEAN Oct 24 - Nov 22 Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies. ARMADILLO Nov 23 - Dec 21 You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility. Author Unknown

SOOOOO, what are you? LOL..

Keep your computer safe and read up on the latest viruses going around out there! Monica Lewinsky virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer.. Ronald Reagan virus - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.. Mike Tyson virus - Quits after one byte.. Oprah Winfrey virus - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.. Lorena Bobbit virus - Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.. Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus - Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.. Ellen Degeneres virus - Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.. Titanic virus - Makes your whole computer go down.. Disney virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy.. Prozac virus - Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.. Sharon Stone virus - Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.. Tim Allen virus - Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.. Woody Allen virus - Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.. Saddam Hussein virus - Won't let you into any of your programs.. Tonya Harding virus - Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.. George Michael virus - Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.. Joey Buttafuoco virus - Only attacks minor files.. X-files virus - All your Icons start shape shifting.. Spice Girl virus - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop..? AT&T virus - Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus - Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.. Clinton Virus - Your computer keeps going down but the Bible says it's OK.. Author(s) Unknown