Getting "Back Into The Game" With Women
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>Getting back into the game after some time
"away"... whether it's because you've just gotten
out of a relationship or marriage... or because
you've had a "dry spell" in your dating life...
requires a good kick in the butt in the area of
SELF ESTEEM and SELF CONFIDENCE. If you need
some of these, then take a minute and read this:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/DeepInnerGame/
***QUESTION***
Hi,
I've read your newsletter for a few months now and
just recently got your book which is fantastic.
First off a little background here. I was married
for 11 years (I'm 33) and basically was either
dating or married to same person for 13 years. I
have been divorced now for a few months, and was
actually separated for over a year before I got
divorced. Having been out of the dating scene for
so long I was pretty much clueless (a lot has
changed). I've always been a very funny guy and
cocky to an extent, but in many ways what you
would consider a "wuss". I've always considered
myself a nice guy, considerate, caring, etc. You
know, how mother taught you to be. I've realized
that those qualities are great of course, but
don't help a lot in the dating scene. Once I
started more of the cocky routine, it's been
amazing. Like I said, I've always been funny so I
guess I have a head start already.
Anyway, I've had some really "hot" dates in the
past couple months with the help of your book, but
one of the biggest problems I have in getting
dates is the fact I have been divorced and have 4
kids. I don't consider this a problem whatsoever,
they're a huge part of my life, but I know the way
women think sometimes and view this as "baggage".
Is there any advice you could give me on how I can
incorporate some of your philosophies and
techniques into over coming this persona of
"baggage" and help me attract more women?
On a side note. This is a strange success story
here (if you can consider it that haha). Like I
said before I was married, and she is a really
beautiful woman. Just for the hell of it I
decided to start using the c&f routine on her
every chance I could (we still get along pretty
good as "friends", btw). I thought it would be
good "practice". Anyway, last weekend I was over
dropping off my kids, and she says "JC". I said,
"what?". I walk over to her bedroom (where she
was at) and she says out of the blue "get on the
bed now!" She was kidding and it threw me for a
loop, but I just said "in your dreams!" Shocked
she said, "WHAT?" I replied with, "maybe in our
next lifetime". I then proceeded to end the
conversation and leave quickly after that (had a
date haha). Two nights ago she calls me at home,
and basically asked me out. I said what the hell!
So, we went out last night (kids were at her
sisters), and let's just say that after 3 years of
not having sex with her, I forgot what I was
missing!! So there's one for you, "how to get
your ex wife in bed with you again!!" LMAO In
case you're wondering, no way no how, will I ever
go back to that relationship (but sex on the other
hand...hell yes!). There's a different kind of
"success" story for you!
J.C.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
In your email you point out something very,
very, VERY interesting. You say:
"I've always considered myself a nice guy,
considerate, caring, etc. You know, how mother
taught you to be. I've realized that those
qualities are great of course, but don't help a
lot in the dating scene."
Well said.
It is SO important that guys understand the
distinction between "dating scene" and "long-term
relationship scene" when it comes to women and
interacting with them.
Many of the things that make a long-term
relationship great will KILL your chances
INSTANTLY with a woman that you don't know. I'll
talk about this more in a moment.
I think that as guys, most of us want to do the
right thing, treat others well, and live with
integrity.
There are of course exceptions to this rule,
but I think that most of us know at a very deep
level that treating others well, being honest,
having integrity, and living an authentic life
leads to happiness... while being dishonest,
treating others poorly, putting our integrity
aside for selfish reasons, etc. leads to that
constant, negative, dragging state of body and
mind.
The problem arises when we go out into the
world to find a mate. It matters not whether we're
looking for a wife or a one-night stand...
As soon as we see a really attractive woman,
most of us guys become nervous, self conscious,
and insecure. We feel excitement and fear at the
same time. The first impulse is to approach and
give compliments in a way that says "You are a
beautiful goddess, and I am a mere mortal man...
Please, if you would, see your way clear to give
me a chance to show you how much I adore you."
If the goddess indulges us for a moment, the
next impulse is usually to provide gifts and food,
and to show her what a great provider we are.
Of course, not every man experiences things in
exactly the same way, but you can probably
empathize with what I'm saying.
Here's the deal:
I USED TO BE EXACTLY LIKE THIS. I know EXACTLY
what it's like to want a woman's attention but not
know how to get it... so I'd give compliments,
offer gifts and food, and try every other "nice"
trick in the book.
I did this for a long time. Many years, in
fact.
I used this strategy long enough to realize a
few key things:
1) Approaching women this way doesn't usually
work. They immediately sense your insecurity, and
mentally classify you as "average" and "like the
other 10 guys that approached her today", etc.
2) ATTRACTION is a completely illogical process.
ATTRACTION also isn't a choice. ATTRACTION is a
response to certain things... and it happens on
it's own.
3) Being a good guy is an important part of life.
Treating others well and always doing the right
thing leads to things like: A) Liking yourself, B)
Happiness, C) Good friendships, etc.
4) Being a "nice guy" when it comes to women and
dating, especially when it is used enough to make
you qualify as a WUSSY, is a REALLY REALLY BAD
idea.
5) There are certain techniques that can be
learned which will help you get past the initial
meeting and dating period... and help you not only
stand out as a "not average" guy, but also create
the magical emotion of ATTRACTION inside women.
6) The great news is that you don't have to be
ultra handsome, rich, or famous to do it.
The gist of what I'm saying is that if you know
how to create this ATTRACTION inside of women,
then you can overcome just about any "social
stigma" that might be attached to you (yes, even 4
kids!).
Some people get upset when they read about my
techniques... they don't like the idea of making
fun of a woman, busting her balls, being Cocky and
Funny, etc.
They just want to "be themselves" and have a
woman "like them for who they are".
Most of the time, it's because they don't really
GET that the woman should be having FUN when you
do these things... and if you want to learn how
to bust on women and be Cocky & Funny WITHOUT
upsetting women, you should check this out:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/CockyComedy/
Where was I... Oh yes...
Of course, these same guys ALMOST ALWAYS like
to buy women flowers and dinner, give compliments,
accept manipulative behavior... and generally do
ALL KINDS OF THINGS that I consider "very
manipulative" and "not-at-all-being-yourself"
kinds of behavior.
Go figure.
The point is that when you made the comment
about the qualities that make up "nice guy" don't
really help you out when it comes to women and
dating, you REALLY hit the nail on the head.
It's not that you have to be an abusive-loser-
jerk, but you must realize that there are certain
qualities that aren't what one might consider
"nice-guyish" that PUSH THE ATTRACTION BUTTONS
inside of women.
These are the things like being Cocky and
Funny, teasing women, busting on them, and
generally being a challenge.
If you decide that a woman you've met is "long
term" relationship material, then you can start
doing the things that you'd do with someone who
has earned your respect and trust. It's at this
point that doing "nice guy" things makes more
sense.
BUT WATCH OUT! Don't unexpectedly turn in to
Mr. Wussy just because a woman wants to have a
relationship with you. Nothing can make a woman
want to be "just friends" faster...
No matter what you do, you still must maintain
a balance.
So to answer your question about how to
overcome the objection to four kids...
First, realize that the women you're meeting
fall into roughly a few categories:
1) Those that aren't interested at all, no matter
what. Maybe they're gay, happily married, not
interested... or all of the above.
2) Those that are interested in being with you for
some short term fun, but aren't interested in a
relationship at all.
3) Those that are interested in short term fun
while they're single, but would like to pursue a
relationship if they meet a good match. Here we
have two sub- categories: A) Those that object to
the four kids thing, and B) Those that don't.
4) Those that are only interested in a long-term
relationship. We also have the sub-categories
here... Those that object to the kids, and those
that don't.
My first question to YOU is: "Which type of
woman are YOU looking for?"
Sounds to me like you're looking for a #3,
option B... a woman who's interested in some
short-term fun, who would like to pursue a long-
term relationship if she meets a good match... and
is open to the kids. (If you're only looking for a
woman who's after short term fun, then the kids
don't really matter. Just don't bring them up.)
My perspective: Date some women, and BLOW THEIR
MINDS with the techniques you've learned. Use the
Cocky and Funny material... dial up the
ATTRACTION... if you get physical with them, make
it UNFORGETTABLE.
My experience is that if a person is REALLY
ATTRACTED to another person, they'll put aside all
obstacles in order to be with the object of their
desires.
Yes, this means 4 kids and an ex.
If I were you, I'd project the attitude that
you're not interested in any woman that can't
adapt to the situation. Communicate that YOU'RE
the one doing the selecting, and it will cancel
out a woman's objections before they even arise.
Think about it.
I personally know guys that have gotten past
"obstacles" that almost seem IMPOSSIBLE to
overcome...
Raise YOUR OWN standards, and you'll find that
this has a magical effect on the way women treat
you.
If you're reading this right now, and you're in
a situation in life where you'd like to get back
on track and start having more success with women
and dating, then it's time for you to take action.
Just sitting around HOPING that something will
happen or that you'll "get lucky" isn't going to
do it.
If you just WAIT for something to happen,
there's a VERY LIKELY chance that you'll either
wind up ALONE for a VERY long time... or you'll
wind up with a woman that you don't really enjoy
that much.
It's up to you to actually take responsibility
for this area of your life... and to go get
yourself an education on how to be successful with
women and dating.
The best place to do it?
My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.
It's the ultimate insider's system for learning
how to meet and date more women... and it will
teach you the secrets that it's taken me YEARS to
learn and develop.
All the details, plus some great samples are
all here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/AdvancedSeries/
If you've gone through my Advanced Series and
you need some serious "Inner Game Reprogramming",
then I highly recommend that you get your hands on
a copy of my Deep Inner Game DVD program.
Inside this program you'll learn how to
overcome the most limiting and self-destructive
habits and patterns of thought and behavior that
hold you back...
And you'll learn how to use tools that will
help you improve your self image and self esteem,
overcome your fears of rejection and failure in
life... and how to use this knowledge to attract
more women... and KEEP them attracted.
Go watch some video clips of this program here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/DeepInnerGame/
Oh, and if you haven't downloaded my online
eBook, then you need to do that right now. You can
download it now and be reading it within a few
minutes.