I see they changed the blog thing. that fucking sucks.
Anyway... I hate that sometimes i want to say things and nothing comes out and other times, everything else comes out other than what i want to say. i know this is probably not making sense and i'm completely okay with that. I know some of you actually read these things, and some of you actually talk to me... you all already know i rarely make sense for long periods of time.
So anyway, I've been trying to figure out how to get certain things out of my mouth when they're all i think about, and yet for some reason it just never works. I want so badly to just scream. I think if i did that when i wanted to, i'd be back in the looney bin faster than i care to admit.
I miss feeling like i have control. i don't think i've ever had complete control over my life, but usually i had some semblance of control over my craziness. i'm sick of the medication switches and the doctors and the fucking ignorance of the masses. i'm sick of myself and my inability to cope with my own illness. i miss being able to say what i think without worry or regret.
anyhow, that's me, how the fuck are all of you?
~Sin