How To Control Your EMOTIONS Around Women
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>Hey, take a minute and look through all of the
different programs I've created to help you learn
how to overcome fear... how to approach women...
how to start conversations... and how to get
numbers and dates. You can see them all here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/Catalog/
ONE MISTAKE ALMOST ALL MEN MAKE WITH WOMEN... AND
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT...
There is one critical mistake that almost all
men make with the women that they're REALLY
attracted to.
This particular mistake is at the root of so
many different problems that men run into, that
the topic probably deserves a book to be written
about it alone.
That mistake is allowing yourself to become
OVERLY EMOTIONAL around a woman at the wrong time
and screwing up the great situation that you have,
by revealing the fact that you're out of control.
When most of us guys see an attractive woman
that we'd like to meet, we FREAK OUT, become very
nervous, and literally become IMMOBILIZED.
This is a case of not being able to control
your EMOTIONS.
When most of us guys have the phone in hand,
and we're getting ready to call a girl to ask her
out, we FREAK OUT, and again, we become so nervous
that we're IMMOBILIZED.
This is another case of not being able to
control your emotions.
When most of us guys think that it might be
time to KISS a girl, we FREAK OUT.
When a woman won't call back, we get upset.
When a woman tests us by challenging something
we say, we become nervous and unsure.
The point I'm making here is that if you allow
yourself to become TOO emotional in situations
with women, it will screw you up. Guaranteed.
It's happened to all of us many times, and it's
a UNIVERSAL experience.
But wait a minute.
Emotions are GOOD THINGS, aren't they?
Aren't emotions the thing that allow us to
really ENJOY life?
And isn't it wrong to try to "control how you
feel"? Isn't it better to just "be who you are"
and not try to beat yourself up because you feel a
certain way?
Have you ever heard a woman (or a man) say "I
can't help the way I feel"...?
We all have.
We even have TERMS that we use to describe when
we're overly upset and just need to "get it out".
We call it "venting" and such.
The implication here is that in our modern 21st
century society, it's OK to be upset, to get
emotional, and to show how you feel...
But is this always true?
TWO KINDS OF EMOTIONS
I think that emotions come in "two flavors".
There are those that you could consider
"positive" emotions or those based in "joy", and
there are "negative" emotions or those based in
"fear".
In other words, there are the emotions that
make you "feel good" and emotions that make you
"feel bad".
In addition, we all know that emotions aren't
like on/off switches.
In other words, when you feel an emotion, you
usually feel an AMOUNT of it. Maybe it's just a
little, or maybe it's very strong.
But the reality is that when an emotion starts
to become too strong, it literally TAKES OVER your
mind and body.
In some situations, this can be a very powerful
POSITIVE thing for a person.
Imagine your favorite musician or actor giving
a world-class performance... you can literally
FEEL the emotions they're feeling. It can be an
amazing experience when they allow their emotions
to take over.
But it can also be a very powerful NEGATIVE
thing as well.
Like when you're looking across the room at a
beautiful woman you'd like to talk to and you
become so nervous that you make yourself sick.
Emotions can actually CONTROL you.
And when an emotion becomes so strong that it
actually DOES "take over", you're out of control.
Remember that.
Before I tell you more, I want to mention one
thing: If you have a lot of problems controlling
your emotions, or you find that your emotions
take over and cause you to screw things up with
women, then go and read this right now:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/DeepInnerGame/
Strong emotions also create strong MEMORIES.
We tend to remember things better if we were
feeling a strong emotion when they happened.
I can remember so many situations where I was
too nervous to talk to a girl, or too nervous to
ask her out, or whatever.
I can remember situations TWENTY YEARS AGO
vividly... where I was so nervous in the situation
that the emotion burned the image into my mind.
When this kind of thing happens a lot (like it
has with me), it starts to make a "feedback loop".
In other words, most of the strong memories I had
about women were situations where I SCREWED UP...
so I had less and less confidence as the years
went by.
Give me a little silent nod here if you know
what I'm talking about.
CONTROLLING YOUR EMOTIONS
I'm sure you've already figured out that I'm
going to suggest that you learn how to control
your emotions in situations with women.
Let me talk for a moment about the reasons WHY
it's important to do this.
Remember, when it comes to ATTRACTION, all of
the "normal" rules change.
You have to stop thinking about what you've
learned about being a "nice guy" and realize
that a woman's ATTRACTION isn't triggered by you
being "nice".
So I have TWO good reasons why you need to
learn how to control your emotions around women:
1) If your emotions take control early on, you
probably won't even be able to talk to her, call
her, or ask her out. You'll just be too freaked
out to even make your first move.
2) Women aren't ATTRACTED to guys who let their
emotions control them all the time. This is
ESPECIALLY true when the guy acts like a WUSSY.
We talked about the first reason already.
Let's talk about the second one.
Why don't women like guys who are overly-
emotional Wussies?
Because women NEVER feel ATTRACTION for men
that they can CONTROL.
The more control a woman has over you, the less
ATTRACTION she feels for you.
The less of a CHALLENGE you are, and the more
PREDICTABLE you become, the less ATTRACTION she
feels. It's very simple.
To put it another way; if you're the type of
guy who lets his emotions TAKE OVER, then you need
to learn how to control them.
If you don't, you're going to have a VERY hard
time succeeding with women.
THE FIRST STEP...
I think that the first step in learning how to
control your STRONG emotions is to realize how
they're triggered.
Most strong emotions are TRIGGERED.
Something happens that "pushes a button" inside
of you and BAM!... the emotion happens before you
even have a chance to think about it.
But the fact is that these "triggers" have a
structure to them.
There are all kinds of little things that
happen during that "trigger".
One of the biggest insights that I've had about
these "triggers" is that they're usually caused by
making something that happens MEAN something.
In other words, it's not the actual situation
itself that "pulls the trigger" or "pushes the
button"... it's what you think it MEANS.
For instance, let's say that you've met a cute
girl, gotten her number, and called her on the
phone... she wasn't home, so you left a message
for her.
She doesn't call back.
What do we, as guys, usually think?
"Maybe she doesn't like me. Maybe she has a
boyfriend. Maybe she's trying to avoid me. If I
call her again, maybe she'll reject me."
In other words, we make the fact that she
didn't call back MEAN all these different things.
Another HUGE insight I've had in this area is
that us guys allow our imaginations to take over
and imagine the WORST possible outcomes of
situations.
Then we get nervous about that outcome
happening and we FREAK.
For instance... have you ever seen a girl that
you wanted to approach... but all you could
imagine was her REJECTING you?
Or you were with a woman on a date, and you
wanted to kiss her... and all you could imagine
was her getting upset or pushing you away?
Don't worry, we all do it.
The point is that most of us guys use our minds
to imagine the WORST possible outcomes for
situations... and it pushes all the wrong buttons,
and gets us all nervous and upset... which, of
course, makes us screw everything up.
When it comes to women, it's important that you
lose the need to make everything MEAN something...
and STOP imagining the worst.
Think about those situations when a woman
doesn't call you back... or plays hard to get.
As guys, we immediately start to wonder where
she is... what she's doing... and who she's with.
We make up pictures in our minds of her out with
other guys, doing fun things without us, etc. and
we let it upset us.
Bad idea.
This is the kind of thing that makes us do all
KINDS of stupid, Wussy things that scare women
away... like calling 100 times a day, asking where
she was and what she was doing, etc.
Instead, start doing yourself a favor and:
1) Imagining the BEST possible outcome.
2) Making things mean something GOOD.
If she doesn't call you back, imagine that she
probably didn't get the message (maybe her
roommate erased it), and make it mean that when
she finally DOES hear from you, she's going to be
even MORE interested because it took you so long
to call her.
If she plays hard to get, realize that she's
only doing that because she REALLY likes you...
and that it's almost inevitable that you're going
to get together with her.
Does this stuff sound strange?
Well, I'll tell you something...
All of the guys I know who are the BEST with
women think this way. This is how their minds
operate.
I used to be VERY negative. I thought that
every situation was going to go wrong, and that
everything women did meant that they somehow
didn't like me.
It's taken me awhile, but I've changed my own
thinking so it's now more positive and optimistic.
And guess what?
Now women are FAR more attracted to me.
In fact, it's almost like magic. The more I
expect things to go well, the better they go. Try
it, it works.
Also, start noticing those particular things
and situations that trigger your "overpowering"
emotions.
Learn to spot the signs that it's about to
happen, and then learn how to keep yourself cool,
calm, and collected.
If you can learn how to do this, your success
with women will improve DRAMATICALLY.
Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg, so to
speak.
It's also important to learn how to improve
your self image, overcome FEAR, maintain your
physical composure, and communicate using your
body language... so that you're successful in each
situation with women.
Where can you learn every one of my best
personal techniques for this stuff?
Try my Advanced Dating Techniques program.
In that program I'll teach you all of the
techniques that I use personally to get these
areas under control... and to take each situation
that you find yourself in with women and turn it
into a success.
You'll learn step-by-step techniques and
systems that you won't find ANYWERE else. I
guarantee it.
If you REALLY want to learn some powerful
techniques for controlling your emotions around
women, then this is the way to learn them.
All the details are here, along with some great
free video preview clips:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/AdvancedSeries/
And if you haven't read my online eBook "Double
Your Dating", then you need to do that right now.
You can download it and be reading it in just a
few minutes from right now. It's here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/eBook/
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. Don't forget to look at all of my different
programs for learning to meet and attract women.
You can watch video clips of every single one of
them... plus get all the details here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/17842/Catalog/
P.P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,
Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs
max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask
your question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuff
is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well
your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I
DO need to hear all of the specifics... because
this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success
Story" in the subject line of the email. I read
these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials
and tell me where you're from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com
...don't just hit "reply" to this email.
Thanks!
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