How funny is the beginning of the song Age of Aquarius? I imagine the singer on a ladder about to lose her balance, swaying back and forth.
What is old people's obsessions with little crystal figurines? I was in a random truck stop driving home from New Orleans the other night and saw an entire glass case of such figurines. There were a variety of dolphins, small animals, medieval swords, dragons and guitars. Who goes into a truck stop and sees the case and says to myself..."Oh my Lordy! I've been searching truck stops across America, from Chatanooga to Alberquerque, for that little porcupine with the beady black eyes! Here it was all along, sitting in this glass case right outside of La Place, Louisiana! Thank my lucky stars. You know that at some point in that individuals lifetime, there will be a comical event ivolving some uncoordinated doof taking an awkward step and instantaneously smashing the priceless/worthless collection of little figurines. I must admit though, the crystal porcupine feels so cool, all prickly-like in your hand. It's better than those chinese soothing yin-yang balls. Let me tell you!
The New Orleans Saints will be returning to the city for the 2006 football season. The ten Saints fans who still live in the city were exstatic. They even went as far as erasing "Owner Tom Benson is a black- hearted, glue-sniffing, soul sucking, douchebag cock sucker" from all the refridgerators still lining the sidewalks. I sadly predict the Saints will be relocated by 2007. Honestly, how can a devestated city support a professional football team? Say it ain't so, but so it goes.
I once was the pig who built his house of straw. Now I am the pig who builds his house of bricks.
After I saw the movie Jaws, I was terrified of stepping into a swimming pool let alone the ocean! First that thirteen year old phenom gets her arm bitten of and is back on the wave the second her rehabilitation finished. What a soldier! And another guy, when being threatened by a shark, punched the fish in the nose. Damn, don't mess with a surfer...um...don't mess with a surfer. That doesn't sound right. Unless he's Patrick Swayze from Point Break. If I robbed a bank, I'd definitely wear a mask with the likeness of Dubbya, or Cheney.
I lost the volume increase button on my Laptop due to Jack. He also ate my cell phone charger. Dog's are expensive. But even when he's biting my arm, he's too damn cute. I'm just waiting for the hormones to kick in. I hope he's not one of those dogs that humps people's legs.
Identify me...The only celebrity I've been told that I look like is Jason Schwartzmen ( the guy from Rushmore). I've also been told that I look like I come from Italian heritage. I am pure russian, baby. My Great Great Grandfather was a blind clarinetist. My Grandfather was the second best ping-pong player in America. My dad is the greatest Jewish Pimp with perpetually tanned skin in America. What will be my legacy?
I was given a Nintendo Entertainment System when I was three. I just finished my game of LifeForce yesterday. I used to have to go to the bathroom and then hold it. Sometimes I couldn't hold it, but I didn't stop to go to the bathroom. I remember one of my favorite movies in the eighties was the movie "The Wizard." Fred Savage played the older brother of aseven-year-old autistic Video Game prodigy who ran away from home to join a gaming tournament in California. The two highlights of the movie were as follows: Lucas, the thirteen year old villain, who used "The Glove" to kick ass in the game Rad Racer...and second, the final competition in the tournament using the video game Super Mario Brothers 3 BEFORE it came out for distribution across the country. I was mesmorized.
I tried to save my favorite article of clothing, my Punxy Phil hoodie from the grasp of Katrina mold. It was soft. It was blue with yellow writing. It was one of those pieces of clothing that everyone commented on. I got it in Punxatawny, Pennsylvania on Groundhog's Day in 2003. Rest in peace hoodie. You did not survive. I will never forget you.
I have yet to induldge in the latest craze of the podcast, webster dictionary's word of 2005. Are they entertaining? Please tell me.
Have we figured out what to call the decade we're living in yet?
If smell-o-vision was technologically possible, would there be a demand for it? Do you actually want to be able to smell most of the stuff we watch on T.V.? I think not.
Do you think Bronze has an inferiority complex to Silver and Gold, or is it one of those rare metals that doesn't care what other people think of it?
I find it a bit frightening that nanotechnology will be the next step in computer chip functionality. It will not be long before people will hear the suggestion of getting a computer chip implanted into their brain and not cringe.
I believe we are truly moving towards an Orwellian state. The next presidential election will greatly impact the future/direction of our country. We've been living in a Bush world for so long that we've forgotten about what used to be "normal."
Alcohol should be illegal. Period. Cigarettes should be illegal. Period. Fast Food should be illegal. I know this is a free country, but I would be so greatful...Then again, pot is illegal and that hasn't stopped me, just made me poorer.
"Yo, man, where can I get a Big Mac?" I said. "Dude, shhh, not so loud, you know how rare those things are these days?" "I'll give you fifty bucks for one." Can't do it man. The NSA have been coming down on everything fomr McNuggets to McFlurries. They're probably listening in right now. It'll cost you one hundred."
I wish there was a cartoon town like in the movie "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" I'd like to meet Apri from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...and Michaelangelo for that matter. Even though I've always been partial to Donatello, Mikey always seemed like more fun.
