so my best friend lonnie is stupid. i've known him since i was in 9th grade and he was in 11th grade. at the end of that year, he started smoking weed and failed out of our high school. we kept in touch and he kept doing more and more drugs and mixing them with alcohol. i would get drunk dials and i would laugh but then it got worse.
one day, a week before i went to mexico for three weeks, i got a call from my friend rose asking me if i knew where lonnie was cuz he hadnt come home the night before. i called and called him but i didnt get an answer until 4 days later when he IMed me and told me he had been in a coma. he went to rehab and got out half a week early. he was clean for awhile but then got back into drugs. at one point in his drug career, i believe before the coma (the coma was 2 years ago), he was mixing drugs and could tell which ingredients to get from CVS and could mix the right amount according to height and body weight.
after rehab, he didnt get into drugs as bad as he was before, but still. he would tell me one night he was high and then a couple of days later i would let him pop robo in front of me after he convinced me i had been mistaken about him being high all the time. but i would try to turn my head and pretend he was only slippin a little bit.
recently, he told me he had tried to kill himself because he felt that no one cared for him. after all he had done for me, helping me get thru my depression and trying to show me that there was still a lot to live for, he had tried to commit suicide. i felt so guilty cuz i hadnt been there for him when he needed me. i went into my first semester finals feeling like i could have been there.
he told me over my christmas break that he has epilepsy from all the drugs he's done and he cant drink alcohol because of his meds for the epilepsy and his schizophrenia. but one night, he IMed me drunk. i was pissed at him for drinking while on his meds and asked him why he had drunk alcohol. his response was because his parents had given it to him.
yesterday, he texted me and told me he was high. i got mad at him when he told me that robo tripping alone wasnt fun and that he was high wit friends. later on, he said he had smoked up. it made me wonder if he had been on 2 drugs or something since his story was inconsistent. needless to say, i got very pissed and started yelling at him viz text and IM. i was crying because i thought after everything he's gone thru, maybe he would have stopped cuz of the epilepsy but no, he just keeps going. he apperantly had no willpower and cant say no. how fair is that to someone who does care? he said he didnt know that his drug use affected me so much. it affects me now cuz he's gone too far with it. he's been to the hospital multiple times and i just heard about 3 stories of him passing out drunk and high and havin seizures and being taken to the hospital.
he's killin himself and i cant take it anymore. i messaged him today and told him i had to say goodbye. i cant trust him anymore. everytime he tells me he'll get clean and he doesnt. he'll be clean for awhile and relapse. he's my best friend...but i cant watch my best friend kill himself slowly.
:(
