It's stupid really. A silly little reminder of what will never be. Oh, I can laugh and smile and pretend it's all ok. In fact, that's exactly what I plan to do. I just need a little time to compose myself. It's getting harder and harder to do. What I want to do is cry. Maybe it's fear. I'm afraid of what will happen if I stay, afraid of what I'll miss if I leave. What if it's true? What if it's another lie? These questions run through my head. I ignore them as best I can. I feel like i'm dying inside. Soon there will be nothing left. It hurts after finally feeling ALIVE after all this time. For so long there was nothing. Then the flood came, now it's gone. Do you notice something different in the way I smile or when I look at you? Do you really notice me at all? Do you see the pain or do I hide it too well? If suddenly wasn't there, would you notice that? You know the truth. If I told you I felt nothing, would you call me on it? If I said goodbye, would just accept accept that? If I tried to walk away, would you let me go? Is there any point to staying? I guess it doesn't matter. We'll know soon enough, one way or the other.
