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I'm angry

I'm angry I’m angry because you pursued me relentlessly and told me you wanted me to be your boyfriend. I’m angry because I learned you did that with others while we were still together. I’m angry because you lied when you told me you weren’t attracted to men I later learned you screwed. I’m angry because I can’t tell you how angry I am. I’m angry that it makes me hurt when I see, hear or write your name – even when it isn’t you who’s being referred to. I’m angry that you led me to believe you wanted a life with me. I’m angry that I can’t just come over your place when I feel like it. I’m angry that you would probably let me if I wanted and that I have to resist. I’m angry because I can’t talk to you. I’m angry because I’m lonely and you have several lovers vying for your attention. I’m angry that I don’t know exactly when you began disregarding my feelings. I’m angry that I don’t know what things you said were true and which were not. I’m angry you never tried. I’m angry I liked you so much in the beginning – or was so excited that someone attractive and interesting wanted to spend time with me that I ignored warning signs. I’m angry it took 5 years to find someone so easy to be around – and I’m afraid it may be even longer until I do again. I’m angry I fell in love with you. I’m angry because I don’t have a crush on anyone right now. I’m angry because I haven’t been happy for months. I’m angry I can’t just make things right. I’m angry when strangers in stores or on the street tell me to “smile.” I’m angry that you are having fun and not suffering like I am. I’m angry that I’m jealous of whoever’s in your life now. I’m angry that when I suggested that you take some time to be single, you emphatically said you didn’t want that and were happy with our relationship. I’m angry that I believed for so long that you loved me. I’m angry I haven’t moved on. I’m angry that I feel like crying right now. I’m angry because I can never have a truly honest conversation with you. I’m angry because I have to avoid you. I’m angry that it hurts when I see things you would like or be interested in – or when I hear someone else talk about them. I’m angry there are so many of those things. I’m angry that I don’t have someone telling me that I’m sexy. I’m angry I shared so many personal secrets and fears with you. I’m angry that I don’t really know you at all. I’m angry because others knew about your behavior before I did. I’m angry I will never know how much meaning our relationship had for you. I’m angry because I will never know how you really felt about me. I’m angry because I still think of you.
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