all41andone4all's blog: "A little of this and that......."

A time comes in my life when I finally got it ... when, in the midst of all my fears & insanity, I stopped dead in my tracks & somewhere the voice inside my head cries out ENOUGH!!! Enough fighting & crying or struggling 2 hold on. &, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, my sobs begin 2 subside, I shudder once or twice, I blink back my tears & begin 2 look @ the world through new eyes. This is MY awakening. I realized it's time 2 stop hoping & waiting 4 something 2 change...or 4 happiness, safety & security 2 come galloping over the next horizon. I come 2 terms w/the fact that I am not Cinderella & that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings 4 that matter) & that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with ME...& in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. I have awaken 2 the fact that I am not perfect & that not every1 will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what I am...and that's OK. They R entitled 2 their own views & opinions. & I learned the importance of luving & championing myself...& in the process a sense of new found confidence was born of self-approval. I stopped complaining & blaming other people 4 the things they did to me (or didn't do for me) I learned that the only thing I can really count on is the unexpected. I learned that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say & that not every1 will always B there 4 me & that it's not always about me. So, I learned 2 stand on my own & 2 take care of myself...and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance. I stopped judging & pointing fingers & I began 2 accept people as they R & 2 overlook their shortcomings & human frailties...& in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. I realized that much of the way I viewed myself, & the world around me, is as a result of all the messages & opinions that have been ingrained into my psyche. & I began 2 sift through all the junk I've been fed about how I should behave, how I should look, how much I should weigh, what I should wear, what I should do 4 a living, how much money I should make, what I should drive, how & where I should live, who I should marry, the importance of having & raising children, & what I owe my parents, family, & friends. I learned 2 open up 2 new worlds & different points of view. & I began reassessing & redefining who I am & what I really stand 4. I learned the difference between wanting & needing & I began 2 discard the doctrines & values I've outgrown, or should never have bought in2 to begin with...& in the process I learned 2 go with my instincts. I learned that it is truly in giving that we receive. & that there is power & glory in creating & contributing & I stopped maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking 4 my next fix. I learned that principles such as honesty & integrity R not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which I must build a life. I learned that I don't know everything, it's not my job 2 save the world & that I can't teach a pig 2 sing. I learned 2 distinguish between guilt & responsibility & the importance of setting boundaries & learning 2 say NO. I learned that the only cross 2 bear is the 1 I choose 2 carry & that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then I learned about luv. How 2 luv, how much 2 give in luv, when 2 stop giving & when 2 walk away. I learned 2 look at relationships as they really R & not as I would have them B. I stopped trying 2 control people, situations & outcomes. & I learned that alone does not mean lonely. I also stop working so hard at putting my feelings aside, smoothing things over & ignoring my needs. I learned that feelings of entitlement R perfectly OK...& that it is my right 2 want things & 2 ask 4 the things I want...& that sometimes it is necessary 2 make demands. I come 2 the realization that I deserve 2 B treated w/luv, kindness, sensitivity & respect & I won't settle 4 less. & I learned that my body really is my temple. & I began 2 care 4 it & treat it w/respect. I learned that b'in tired fuels doubt, fear, & uncertainty & so I take more time 2 rest. &, just as food fuels my body, laughter fuels my soul. So I take more time 2 laugh & 2 play. I learned that, for the most part, I get in life what I believe I deserve...& that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I learned that anything worth achieving is worth working 4 & that wishing 4 something 2 happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, I learned that in order 2 achieve success I need direction, discipline & perseverance. I also learn that no 1 can do it all alone...& that it's OK 2 risk asking 4 help. I learned the only thing I must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. I learned 2 step right in2 & through my fears because I know that whatever happens I can handle it & 2 give in2 fear is 2 give away the right 2 live life on my own terms. & I learned 2 fight 4 my life & not 2 squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. I learned that life isn't always fair, I don't always get what I think I deserve & that sometimes bad things happen 2 unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions I learned not 2 personalize things. I learned that God isn't punishing me or failing 2 answer my prayers. It's just life happening. & I learned 2 deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. I learned that negative feelings such as anger, envy & resentment must B understood & redirected or they will suffocate the life out of me & poison the universe that surrounds me. I learned 2 admit when I am wrong & 2 build bridges instead of walls. I learned 2 B thankful & 2 take comfort in many of the simple things I take 4 granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, I began 2 take responsibility 4 myself by myself & I made myself a promise 2 never betray myself & 2 never, ever settle 4 less than my heart's desire. & I hung a wind chime outside my window so I can listen 2 the wind. & I make it a point 2 keep smiling, 2 keep trusting, & 2 stay open 2 every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in my heart & God by my side I take a stand, I take a deep breath, and I begin 2 design the life I want 2 live as best I can. Darlene