I wasn't sure what I was going to write so decided to place this in "Misc." for reasons being that I'm not sure where I'll wind up with this need to purge...
Today is the one year "anniversary" of the death of my One, Master, Soul Mate and Twin Flame. I woke up as usual, nothing... a void, an emptiness... the lack of emotion concerned me because this is not like any grief or remembrance I have ever experienced and I have lost a many loved ones.
I turned over in bed and opened my eyes to see a wonderful man that came into my life at my darkest hours to hear the words "I Love You" in his dry throated and gravely voice, and charming, sweet, sleepy smile. Climbing out of his arms and legs wrapped about me, I go to bring him his freshly brewed hot cup of coffee (all Hail the Goddess "Caffina" and the God Juan Valdez) and lie back in his arms thinking is this real?
How can I feel nothing for the man that once was the very reason for me to keep on breathing just one year later after he died in my arms and so much for a man, my Eugene that I have such a strong connection with that it's sometimes frightening, yet feels so right?
I feel guilty for not grieving, but I feel no reason to grieve. It's just another date in my past. I had to persevere and move on... or else succumb to the fate of what slipped through my very hands. Life. Albeit life of another, but a life that could have just as easily been mine, or yours, or someone you love (as well as hate) - get the drift?
No matter what the present brings, it too shall be a past... an only the memories you choose to hold on to are those worth carrying.
I do not grieve, for I celebrate the time we had together and remember the goofiness as well as the discipline, the sadness wiped out by the shared joys, the experiences and the laughs. It made the time I had with Master worth living. I know I'll never have another like Him... but then again, another chapter in the life begins to unfold...
Wow - it must be the Cruzcan Coconut Rum Pina Coladas and Mother's finest herbs to get me to blog this, but it is as was requested of me and at midnight I shall spread 1/4 of His ashes into the canal so that He will always be by what he loved... His little piece of Paradise that His lil one helped make a dream come true.
Merry Meet, Merry Part and Merry Meet Daniel Monroe Carl. May Summerland be treating you as you deserve. I Loved You when You were mine to love. Now it is truly time for the living to move on...
Beltane is just around the corner and one never knows what jumping over a broomstick really means until they do it themselves *smiles*...
