In the "tweener" times - you know, too early to get up, too late to go back to sleep - submerged in darkness and quiet...
I used to dream a lot. Now I awaken with my thoughts, pretending to sleep. Mustn't let the cat know I am awake or he will insist on his morning bowl of goodies. This morning he is out exploring the night, so I turn on the coffee and face the day nearly 3 hours early.
Today is a big day, it has been weighing on me. Yeah, I know, it's our United Way week at work, and I have been working on it for nearly 3 months with the organizing committee. That plan is in motion, and everything is set. I am the PR contact, so I have been working on photos, announcements, and video promotional stuff related just to our building.
I am also the "hassler" - when something goes awry, I take charge and try to make chicken salad out of other chicken products. That part started last week, and emotions tend to run high. Why do people get so into making a charity event more about them than the cause? Go figure!
Back to the big day. I have an appointment to see a Neurology Opthalmologist this morning. It is significant to me because I have some unknown cause for losing the field of vision in my right eye. I developed a "blind spot" a few years ago, bumped into things and had struggles with certain angles at intersections until I adapted. At the time there was no explanation, just assurance that it would stop,
Fast forward to a month ago. The vision test and exam were not extraordinary, but I have been banging my right knee against objects in my wheelchair. They did the Vision Field Evaluation two weeks ago, and the blind spot is indeed getting larger. I have had issues with my eyes getting strained trying to compensate for it
So today is the first day of the process to investigate. I hate doctors and even more I hate medical centers. I have spent way too much of my life in and around those places. It would be nice if whatever is going on is treatable, and even nicer if it would be reversible. From my own research, not likely.
I know they say that God never gives us more than we can handle. It just seems that He thinks I have an unlimited capacity for dealing with adversity. Maybe I do.
I have always said I was put together with spare parts & rejects - and it is true - but one of my sources of joy is visual gratification from the world around. I have been a photographer for almost 50 years, and have worked long hours in the darkroom honing my craft. Now I am almost 100% digital. I can't stand up in the darkroom anymore.
But to enjoy visual gratification requires sight, and one of my few unaffected senses is slowly fading from me. I am a polio survivor, and now plagued with PPS or Post Polio Syndrome. This is a neurological disorder, and I am sure the eye problem is related to some sort of nerve damage done by this exquisite cohabitant I have.
But, as I do, I will proceed to make chicken salad from this plate of chicken product I am currently being served. Sometime's it's not easy being me.
Thanks for reading.
