Jesus christ... who am I?
I'm not sure if I ever was somebody.
I've always been mislabeled by others
I consider myself invisible
a nonfactor
a nonentity
I am.
And apparently that's not enough.
I'm dedicated. I hate quitting. I hate giving up. I think that all limitations are self imposed
AND FUCK YOU FOR GIVING UP!
You can be me, you can be BETTER than me, grow a pair and try.
I define myself by my kindness.
I hate being misunderstood, or thought of as cruel or malicious.
I want to be an elite, well dressed, well payed, hard working and constructive.
I might seem like a prick sometimes in a serious conversation about personal problems, but really if I offer advice, I want it taken and delivered directly like an assassin's cut.
I might sometimes think I'm wiser, smarter, faster, stronger, more sensitive, or more tortured than you, sorry. I come across that way so I'll seem worth following in the case that you'd ever need me.
I'd like to be needed.
I'd like to be savored over a long period.
Yes, I can be needy, but is it such a bad thing for me to like you, and want you around? I take it personally when people temporarilly part from me.
I require unconditional trust from both sides of any relationship. Tyrannical, just, and unfaltering trust. Because... otherwise, I'm extremely vulnerable.
I'm an exposed and unarmored person once I invite you into my life. Please don't use that against me.
I want to continue forming my art, watching it grow, and maybe some day using it to crush this hopelessness in our society, bring about an intellectual and cultural revolution.
Maybe not start it, or lead it, but at least contribute.
I'm an artist, an author, a poet, a satirist.
I might not be a very good one yet but at least I'm fucking trying.
I want to be the best.
I want to live up to everyone's high expectations.
I want to be somebody.
I want you to know me, even at a distance, even through my work.
I want you to take a walk through my mind
and realize this backward, confused, lonely fucked up kid is somebody too.
Is it a sin to dream?
To try?
To fly high enough to fail?
I think not.
I want to be a socialite, a part of something, an intellectual, a well dressed but unpretentious approachable, friendly person.
Maybe not an educator, that dream died when I realized I didn't want to grade papers, but maybe a guide.
Give me the chance.
Talk to me, on my level.
I'll try not to bore or confuse you.
I want to be your friend, you just have to prove to me you won't hurt me, or abandon me.
And a lot of people are inclined to do so.
It's a lot of work being around me, but I try to make it worthwhile.
I want to exist.
I want to be.
I probably will never be a together person
I'll probably never be a musician
I might not ever find true love
but I am a pretty decent cook, with each passing month I practice I get better.
I'm going to keep working on becoming a professional, and a writer.
I want to wear a suit, I want to look unique and stylish, because that's what I am. Maybe I'm ahead of my time, in being classic.
Maybe I'm an old soul, or an anachronism, but I deserve better than this
we all do.
So let's work on all that.
Who am I?
I'm just a boy, tired of drifting along alone, taking his first step toward being a man, an artist, a guide, a good friend, a lover, and maybe some day a father.
