Tornadoes twist through my heart
As the wind make the windows shake
My tears are falling like the rain
In a storm filled with heart ache
The storm seems relentless
As my emotions flood through
I can only hold out hope
Tomorrow’s rainbow comes soon
Everyone looking in is blind
To the pain that lies within
The damage from the storms
Goes much further than the skin
Rising tides that are unseen
Corrode deeper than the shore
Scars from the rifts of time
Showcase the marks of my war
Tomorrow’s rainbow is far away
In the midst of the pouring rain
The winds drown out the sound
Of my screams of silent pain
The darkness of storm clouds
Is all I can see out the window
As I struggle to hold out hope
Of seeing tomorrow’s rainbow
I know the wind will die down
And the rain will fade away
That one day the sun will shine
Drying out my tears of decay
But until that time comes
While the winds still bellow
My heart will yearn to see
The hope of tomorrow’s rainbow
She hangs up the phone
A tear falls from her cheek
The man that she loves
Has a deadline to meet
He has to work late
And won't be home tonight
But deep down she knows
She can no longer deny
She pulls down her suitcase
And sees her wedding gown
Remembering their first kiss
After saying their vows
His kiss was like magic
Curing all her butterflies
Then she thinks of him
Looking into another's eyes
Too many lonely nights
And not enough love
She wants to find out
What life is made of
The world is a big place
And she wants to find
Somewhere that doesn't have
Too many lonely nights
She zips up her bag
And heads for the door
She stops and stares
At their house once more
And pulls from her finger
Her wedding ring
And then without thinking
Gives it one last fling
Steps Into Heaven
Yesterday is just a memory
And morning seems so far away
Tonight just doesn’t want to end
Like the tears rolling down my face
Nothing seems to make any sense
It doesn’t seem fair you’re gone
Even though it feels you’re still here
My heart aches here all alone
All I see is your beautiful face
Whenever I close my eyes
But knowing you’re not here
I just keep them shut tight
I feel lost without you here
‘Cause life doesn’t feel the same
The emptiness inside my heart
Just intensifies all my pain
The first steps up into heaven
Are stained with the salt of my tears
What I’d give for just one more night
To kiss you and hold you near
If the Lord above is willing
We will be meeting again
Because I will be taking
The first steps up into heaven
I know there’ll come a day
When my heart isn’t in pain
The nights won’t be so long
And the tears will slowly fade
For now my heart misses you
And I wish you weren’t gone
I’ll await the day of no more tears
And the pain of this life moves on
There is much debate concerning the topic of abortion
Whether it is a life or just some small unimportant protrusion
Some say that it cannot feel therefore it is not considered real
But I say don’t assume, when God says “I knew you before you were in the womb”
At eight weeks it already has his hands and his feet
Eyes are apparent those that will one day see their parent
It is not a lump, an object or a mass of insignificance
It is a human life that one day deserves to learn to dance
His hands have formed, hands that one day may perform
Perform a majestic melody, or perform a life saving surgery
He has already begun to move, ever so slightly in the womb
Moving a tiny finger, that one day he will use to touch his mother
But there are still those that would stand up and disagree
I say to you, at one point and time that was you, that was me
But what if the parents are just teens, what about them and their dreams
There is always another option, put the baby up for adoption
But what if the family has no money, can’t buy his food or clothing
I say things can change, you have seven more months to save
But what if it threatens the mother, she might lose her life
I say that is up to God, not you, not her and certainly not I
What about those who don’t believe in a God who created all things
The fact remains that at some point and time that was you, that was me
In a world filled with glass houses
Who will cast the first stone
Be careful where you aim
You could hit your own window
In a world filled with glass houses
Shattered glass lies on the floor
Careful where you cast judgment
It could be thrown at your door
In a world filled with mirrors
Just who is it you truly see
Do you see a painted face
Or do you see natural beauty
In a world filled with mirrors
How deep are you willing to go
Can you see past the surface
Do you dare look at your soul
In a world filled with voices
What is it that you hear
Do the words of others
Fall upon a deaf ear
In a world filled with voices
Is yours one that is heard
Do you speak what matters
Or are they just empty words
In a world filled with meaning
What matters the most to you
Are people reduced to things
Through your daily pursuits
In a world filled with meaning
How do you spend your time
Because what means the most
Is where your heart resides
Tear Stained Memories
With each tick of the clock
I’m reminded more of you
What should be distant memories
Still tear my heart in two
With each thought of you
I fall a lil deeper in
Life without you hurts too much
I don’t know where to begin
Everyone just says move on
Leave the painful memories
Just start all over again
It’ll be better eventually
But with each passing day
I stay lost inside my mind
My escape seems impossible
No matter how hard I try
These tear stained memories
Just can’t be washed away
No matter what I do
The pain just doesn’t fade
I tell myself to be strong
But letting go isn’t easy
Just can’t seem to forget
These tear stained memories
With each passing minute
I hope the pain will fade
Hoping somehow the sunrise
Will make it all go away
Maybe with each tear I wipe
It will be one less memory
And then all these thoughts
Will be forgotten eventually
Written 5/7/2011
Dear Heavenly Father
It’s a half past midnight
And I’m down on my knees
Oh dear heavenly Father
Won’t you take this storm from me
You know what I can bear
But sometimes I just don’t
I feel like I’m about to drown
Adrift out at sea all alone
Each day feels like a lifetime
Waiting for each minute to pass
Why can’t I just stop the tears
Falling like sands in an hour glass
I know that you are there
And that it isn’t you but me
So why can’t I just reach out
I’m so tired of feeling lonely
Oh dear heavenly Father
I am down on my knees
Why must you feel so distant
When it is you that I need
God won’t you hear my cries
Before I go any farther
Reach down and pull me up
Oh dear heavenly Father
I know that after the storm
A rainbow awaits me
I just have to draw upon you
Your grace, strength and mercy
In your arms I long to be
Away from all this in life
From my knees I reach out
Deliver me from my strife
Lay Me Down to Sleep
I never meant to hurt you
Is all you that you could say
Then you just turned around
And just slowly walked away
Hearing you say good-bye
Brought pain beyond compare
Thinking you’re not coming back
Is a pain I just can’t bare
The tears just keep falling
No matter what I do
With each lonely tear drop
I can only think of you
What could I have said or done
To have kept you here with me
This empty space you have left
Is killing me slowly
Now I lay me down to sleep
A broken heart is what I keep
On tear stained pillows
Is where my lonely mind goes
My tears fall without an end
My broken heart just won’t mend
The loss of you cuts so deep
As I lay me down to sleep
I lose a little more of you
With every tear I cry
As each tear drop falls down
A small piece of my heart dies
Without you here next to me
The nights seem to never end
I pray that with the sunrise
You’ll be here when I awaken
In honor of Mother's Day and my mother, I am posting this story I wrote about my mother some years ago. It was published in a book similar to "Chicken Soup for the Soul". Thank you Mom!
A Mother’s Undying Love
I can still remember the day my mother loaded me and my two sisters into the car. She was very excited and happy, and we were all wondering why. When one of us asked, she enthusiastically replied, “My hair is back” as she pulled off her wig. We were shocked when she did pull it off because it had been so long since we had seen her without one on. Due to her pride, she never allowed us to see her without it. Even though it was still what I would call “man” short, it was hers, and she was ecstatic. As we drove down the road, I watched my mother looking so proud and happy, and then noticed tears coming down her face. When one of us asked why she was crying, she replied, “I’m just so happy, baby, I’m just so happy!”
It took a few years for me to really understand and appreciate what it was that had made her so happy that it would make her cry that day.
It was years later when she told us that after having been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time, the doctors had given her six months to live. She knew it would have been very difficult for us to take, much less understand completely. I know I could not imagine being told that I had a limited time here on earth, especially now that I have two beautiful children of my own. And I certainly cannot fathom the responsibility she took upon herself to carry the load like she did, taking care of three kids as a single mother and working a full-time job. Plus, she was not sure if she would be there the next day for us or not.
But she never let on that she could not handle it or that she was as sick as she really was. Sure, we saw the fatigue that one gets while undergoing chemotherapy, and the getting sick. But she never once showed us a true weakness in her armor. She never complained in front of us or acted as though she wanted our pity.
No, she stood strong and made it seem like chemotherapy was a fairly easy thing to manage, even though we all know better. At the time, we simply thought she was doing what any single mother should do, take care of us. What we did not realize was that she was dealing with so much more than the average person will ever have to endure in her/his lifetime.
We did not see the pain and agony that the chemotherapy was causing to her body. She would not allow it. My mother just kept on living her life as she had before. A life of fun, love, courage and most importantly, one filled with God. She did not do these things to be tough; she did them out of the immense love she had for her three children and the faith that God would see her through it all. She knew we would be lost in this world without her and that we needed her to stick around and the good Lord did as well.
She told us since her recovery that she drew a lot of her strength from us kids. I find that ironic, because looking back I can see that the strength and courage I have to this day is because of her.
She showed us how to live our lives even in the face of adversity. That was to live life full of joy, happiness and full of the Lord Almighty. Many times I have told her that she is the “Wind Beneath My Wings”.
She gave us so much love and showed us so much courage and strength that we can only hope to have half the grace and composure she had, should any of us, God forbid, ever be placed in that same or similar circumstance.
I also know now, looking back, what she meant when she said she was just so happy. It had nothing to do with her hair growing back, but with the fact that she was even still here with us.
The happiness was also from the fact that she had made it through what the doctors had said she could not. She took great comfort in knowing that the dear Lord above had watched over her and answered her prayers to let her stay here on earth with her children. And I guess she was somewhat happy to have her hair back as well, but I know that she could have remained bald the rest of her life and it would not have mattered. She was with her kids and had God in her life and that was all she needed.
This story is just an inkling of the type of person my mother is. I could fill a book with the things that my mother did for us kids out of love. There are no words or enough time or space to tell what she means to me and to others. She is truly a wonderful and unique person. She has never forgotten what gets us through this life, to keep God first and foremost and to love unconditionally. She has touched many lives with her loving ways, and I thank God each and every day that He blessed me with a woman as strong and courageous as He did to be my mother. I also thank Him for proving the doctors wrong who told her that she only had six months left.
She has had to have one breast removed. The best news, though, is that she has been in remission for over fifteen years. I know that God looked down and saw just how much she loved us and how much she still had to share with us and everyone else she has come in contact with. He saw that we would later in life need her even more as time went on. She has proven to be as wonderful a grandmother as a mother. So He blessed us all in answering what were probably many prayers by letting her stay here on earth to continue blessing those around her and showing her kids how to love and live. Thank, Lord, for your blessings and for letting us keep what I truly believe to be one of Your angels here on earth.
***Update***
A few years have passed since I wrote this story and had it published in a book called “From the Heart: Stories of Love and Friendship”. After 26 years of being in remission my mom was once again diagnosed with breast cancer. Once again the good Lord, her strength and the doctors have seen her though. She had to have her second breast removed, but is once again cancer free.
The doctors still to this day when they look at her diagnosis from her second bout, have no idea how she survived. My mom simply points them up and acknowledges why she, and so many others around her, believe how she did. She is still the most courageous and loving person I know.
One more written over ten years ago...but thought women might like
Will She Find Her Prince
She dreams of a fairytale
As she sits in her room
With a knight in armor
To come to her rescue
He rides up on his horse
And calls her from below
She runs to see him
And climbs from her window
Will she find her prince
Outside of her dreams
Will he ever kiss her
And wake sleeping beauty
Cinderella had her slipper
Snow White had her kiss
And she keeps wondering
Will she ever find her prince
Her feet hit the ground
She runs to his side
As he pulls her up
They turn to the sunrise
And as they ride off
Comes a knock at the door
So she wakes from dreaming
To later dream some more