All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy,
> painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
wax.
>
>
>
> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play
> with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my
mind
> for the next few hours. "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
the
> medicine cabinet". So I headed to the site of my demise: the
bathroom.
>
>
>
> It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax.
You
> just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
them
> apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else and you pull the
hair
> right off. No mu ss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a
genius,
> but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA
THINK!?!)
>
>
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other
stuck
> together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in, so I
get out
> the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!)
>
>
>
> I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull.
>
>
>
> It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I
can
> do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of
all
> wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>
>
>
> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak
> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I
drop
> my panties a nd pla ce one foot on the toilet.
>
>
>
> Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side
of my
> bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching
down to
> the inside of my butt cheek. Yes, it was a long strip. I inhale
deeply
> and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
>
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>
> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half
the
strip
> CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and
spotted
> Think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing
drums???
>
>
>
> Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
>
>
>
> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused
me so
> much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the
glory
> ; that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no
hair
> on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>
>
>
> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
the hair
> The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
>
>
>
> CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is
> now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
>
>
>
> Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped
up on
> the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>
>
>
> DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-Hoo* sealed
shut!
> "Butt" sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to
figure out
> what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to
poop.
> My head may pop off"! What can I do to melt the wax? Hot w ater!! Hot
> water melts wax!!!
>
>
>
> I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the
> wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it
off,
> right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
>
>
>
> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture
> prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the
only
> thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having
them
> glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding
hot
> water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
>
>
>
> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied
> myself to the porcelain!!
>
>
>
> God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
phone put
> in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely s he has waxed
before
> and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation
> starter - "So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the bottom
of
the
> tub"! There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
> removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
know
> exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo-hoo"?
>
>
>
> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and
> she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!!
Right!!
> I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through
various
> solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing
feels
> better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued
shut,
> stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky
wax
> off!!
>
>
>
> By now the br ain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I'm
> pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for
this
> event.
>
>
>
> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the
> lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have
to
> lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>
>
>
> The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
> It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!!
>
>
>
> I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
>
>
>
> I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief
> and despair....
>
> THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>
> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Noth ing hu rts!
I
> could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
>
>
> Next week I'm going to try hair color......Now that's funny .
> Notttttttttt!!!!!!!!
>
> Moral of the story is..........just pay to get it done!!!!!!!