{{6/8/07}}Thank you for saving me from myself
" One day I quit a job becuase I couldn't find a parking space. I drove around that mug *twice*. They must not want me to work today. Looks like they already got enough people working for em.." - ComicView
{{6/9/07}} I cant eat. I had to force myself to eat lunch yesterday and then I only ate a third of what I normally eat. That was all I had yesterday. I'm not sleeping right. I feel so heavy..and sick. I just wanna wake up from this nightmare. I just wanna stop crying...
{{10:30am}}I know everyone deals with heartbreak but it's twice as hard when you know that other person loves you. I know you love me. You do or else you wouldnt get upset when we talk and no I dont wanna let you go. I believe you're the "one". We just... I dont know. I fucking love you and I mean that with everything in me. I need you.. Someone fix the holes on my chest. Im empty and alone...I just want everything to be okay again.
I had this weird dream last night. I was at like this closed hotel/ranch/whatever. I was tehre with some people and Aaron was there. we ended up talking and I was crying. I dont remember what all was said. I told him that I didnt know what to do. He said everything was going to be okay. I started crying more, then he kisses me( like one of those movie kisses) and I feel my heart break. I tear up and ask him why he did that. I dunno what he said in response, then he said to come home. I told him I couldnt be there in our apartment with him. I could share him. I couldnt do it..and I ran off. Then I realized that it didnt sound like Aaron and it didnt really look like Aaron. The was Aaron's height, had Aaron's features but he was lighter and his hair was kinda slicked back. I then realized that it wasnt Aaron. I dunno what the dream could mean..
My wrists started itching again....that's not a good thing......
{{6/10/07}} I confuse myself. Half the day yesterday I was upset and then for the rest of the day i was okay. Sometimes, I find myself thinking like I'm still taken. I know I;m not but its hard getting use to. Two and a half years, that's a pretty long time for a long distance relationship to last..even though I shouldnt have to say last. It still should be working...but what's done is done.
{{5:54pm}} I keep smelling your scent. Every day since I left for my trip. I keep seeing your face. I've managed to fight the fit of tears I'm holding back at this very moment. I catch myself daydreaming of going home, then i reallize its not going to be like it was. How does it not bother you? The distance is 90% of what's keeping me from crying all the time. I dunno what it's going to be like when I get back "home" in July....
{{7:00pm}} Could you drive without your thumbs? I almost wanna test it..but I cant. Would be kinda hard though, or so i think.
{{6/14/07}} Todays my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Their party is on Saturday.I cant wait to see what the place looks like with everything set up. Im going back to WA this Tuesday. Im moving in with my neighbor and her baby boy. Im kinda excited but I know I got a hell of a ways to go til we're stable. Nani took me bday shopping today! I got new clothes! I'm thrilled! I also got a free make over as well. And I was Aasyn free for the few hours we were out. Lawd you woulda thought I had been gone for days by the way that boy was acting. I'm off to get back to my game of Yahtzee Im playing with my brother and sisters. ( i love this game)
---What causes wind?----
Ok before I go on, I gotta say i owe credit to this blog. lamar originally started this type of blog and i thought it would be a killer way to blog. His blogs are called "Random Thoughts" You can go read them on his page and this is his linkie -->>>> www.myspace.com/lamarhines
He totally rocks. If i lived closer to him, we'd be like hella close buds. We'd be tight like the pants on an emo kid. Lamar = undescribably awesome. mwhaha. I met him offa hotornot(and I dont do that anymore..) on accident =P I was looking for a friend of mine on there by searching under the band Unloco and *bam* there's Lamar. =) Outta the countless people I've met on there, he's one of three people I talk to still.
