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We went out to dinner last night with my cousin Lynne, her husband Dennis, and our mutual friend Ed. One of our favorite restaurants on the river. Mom was doing fine before we left. She had a little something to eat at her normal dinner time, since we were arriving to the restaurant a bit later than normal. We immediately ordered some appetizers so Mom was ok with her meds, and she ordered an Old Fashioned. She hadn't had one for a long time, and she's had a margarita before with no problem, so I let it slide.
Once she started drinking it, the problems began. She was all over the place with her thinking. We would be talking about one subject, and she would go off on a completely different tangent. Talk of Mt Denali turned into trees on our property in Paradise. Tax discussions became lawsuit talk against PG&E for the fire. She couldn't keep her thoughts straight. I tried to telll Mom what she was doing, but she didn't want to listen to me. I just did the best that I could. They all knew that Mom does that sometimes. One fucking drink caused her so many issues.
This morning when she woke up, she couldn't remember what she had for dinner. She was more worried about her blood sugar than the fact that her thinking was everywhere. I talked to her about it, and she just shook her head, and said, "I was fine, there was nothing wrong with me last night."
It wasn't anything that could be helped. I'm sitting here at the keyboard, taking deep breaths, thinking about the progress of mom's deterioration. Just seeing the little bit that happened last night has me scared today. I am nomally a pretty strong person, but I could really use some backup
Even though I'm going down to my brother's for emotional support during his divorce hearing on Thursday, I am still considering it a vacation. Emotional support I can handle ALOT better than physical. My mother can barely do anything for herself, and my body has more problems than hers, but I still do many things I shouldn't be. On my mini vacations I can get online as often as I want, get on the phone all I want, and SLEEP all I want LMAO
I haven't been able to take the vacations as I often as I'd have liked to during the pandemic, so now things are turning around, I'm going to do what I can to get out and have some relaxation. My mother's condition is starting to get a little worse where her mind is concerned; she's not remembering things well, and the searching for words is worse. I can't take care of her properly unless I take care of myself.
Her best friend gets very mad when I take off for a couple of days. The thing is, my cousins are a mile away and can help in case of emergency, the neighbors are all aware when I go, and I call every day to check on her. I don't take off without things in place, I'm not as fucking cruel as she thinks I am. If her friend had her way, I would never have a life again, and I would surrender my life to my mother completely. I can't do that, I'm only 51, I deserve my life, at least what is left of it.
Mom will eventually need full time care, and will need a care facility. Until that happens, because it could be 2 years or 20 years, I need my breaks. Who knows, maybe I will come to see whoever is reading this *smiling*
My mother was diagnosed with Parkinson's about 6 years ago, but we figure she has had it for about 10 years. My great grandmother lived with Parkinson's as well for over two decades. It skipped a generation with my grandmother and got Mom, so I am hoping that I will be skipped in the long run, we shall see.
Parkinson's isn't just about body shaking, here are a few of the symptoms:
My mother was like the Energizer Bunny, now it takes her so much longer to walk anywhere. Her short term memory is shot. She can't write, so I do all the writing in the household. She doesn't smile like she used to because of the facial stiffness. She has started having delusions; she blows them off as dreams, but that just isn't true. It is progressing at a slow rate, so she is on pace to have it as long as Great Grannie did. It's a devastating disease.
Right now she lives at home with me. Eventually she will be in a care facility. Before that, we might be able to keep her here longer with a nurse helping.
When I talk about the disease here, it's going to be observations on what I see with my mother, research I have done, and how the disease affects my family and friends, as well as myself. If this is something you don't want to hear about, avoid this thread. This is therapeutic for me to talk about it here. I will vent in here as well, so if you don't like foul language, I would avoid this thread as well.
It's a part of my life, so it needs to be discussed. You ready?
