-L O S T-
I can’t see, I’m lost somewhere…
Life is faded,
Time is nonsense…
Nothing is as I remember.
Confused, and alone…
Though ‘tis not how it is!
Surrounded by love,
Is feeling crowding and frightened!
It’s a deafness, this feeling,
Though I’m not quite sure how…
So overwhelmed…
Can’t sense the world going on around me!
Aware, but unaware,
And so very lost and afraid…
Family is distant,
And yet, in need of my help…
Or is it I, who needs their help…
Their presence?
I know not of what I speak…
Only …that all is a haze,
And I am in the middle of it.
Can I not live?
May I not BE??
Is there not I can do…
To stop this revolution around sorrows of old???
Where does this path lead?
Is there a tunnel leading out?
Is there freedom at the gate?
Or am I lost eternally…
There is no forwards,
There is no return.
There is no present, no ‘now’
Only haze, ever lost… …
Where does this lead?
Where can I go?
Doing more damage than I know of…
And not enough help to prevail.
Mother, sister…Summer…and Ray,
How sorely I do miss u…
But that is not the whole that dwells within.
That is not the void I can’t escape!
What that void is, I cannot say…
Only that it tears at my existence,
As meager and uncertain as it is…
And my heart is so unsure…so unclear.
I don’t need all the answers,
Just want a true path to follow…
Am I doing what’s right?
Or hurting those I love…
By trying to help and be loving and caring,
Am I not making happiness for those I love?
Is there no way I can truly make one happy…
What can I do to make myself better for him…
For ANY of them…family, friends, him…
How come I can’t be better…
How come I can’t be better and in turn be better for him??? For them…?
What makes me so different?
Or do I just WANT to be so different…
Can’t I just be social and …
And just be comfortable in this world…?
Can’t I just be happy with what I’ve got?
Can’t I just live in this world as others do?
Why can’t I just go out and have fun…
Why can’t quality time just be all I need…
What is it that makes me feel that there’s something missing???
What is missing? Where do I belong???
Is there such a place? Am I so alone?
I’m not satisfied,
I’m not comfortable with this world I live in…
I feel as though I’m lost in a world I do not know!
Where does one turn with that feeling?
What does one do?
Who does one turn to when they r faced with that?
So many people faced with that…
Though each situation is different.
Even as many of us as there are,
We cannot turn to one another…
As we r not like one another,
It’s a race of people,
Where each person speaks a different language…
And there is no translator…
Can’t u see?
I’m blind…
I’m deaf…
We’re lost…
And I’m at the back of the line…
And all r too tall for me to see what’s going on…
So many poems…
So many mindless, repetitive poems…
All saying the same thing…
We r not alone,
And yet, we r…
And there is no one that can save us, but ourselves…
And we r lost, and I am afraid…
I am one, but I am part of all of u…
And neither of us know it…
The pounding, is insane…
I’m trapped…with no release…
And I am sorry…
To be wasting time on another poem…
Like all the rest… … …
LOST…
~Rhiannon
10-20-02
