ReddY or NoT's blog: "Me.."

You left, unexpectedly

Without notice

I couldn't say my goodbyes

I couldn't tell you how much you meant to me

Now just the silence surrounds me

Raw silence and pain

A pain so deep that brings me to my knees

A silence so deafening that all I can hear are screams

Mute screams

They don't leave your throat raw

But they leave your brain bleeding...

You left..

And your absence is more than I can bare

Covering me like a freezing punishing rain

The rain that also pours from my eyes,

That's the only external sign of the thunderstorm ravaging inside me

Tearing me apart and leaving me numb

I'm numb, I'm empty, I'm a shell,

because you left ....

Oh, poor Pinga amor,
you are as lonely as a beach on a stormy day
The turmoil inside you is relentless and ravenous
You go through life as a hummingbird, going from flower to flower
always searching always yearning
You drink the flower sweet nectar,
and you get inebriated by her sweet taste and her power,
the power you give and receive
Inebriated enough to talk about friendship, lust and love
You then build with the flower a new world, intoxicated,
with your beak feasting on that sweet nectar,
Consuming her, till the last drop she has to give you
But the flower has abysses of her own,
has a stem with lingering thorns
Has roots, oh the roots, the source of her power
and her essence
Where she hides a tempestuous
and immensurable a sea of her own
But those don't entice the hummingbird,
and if a flower takes his hand to show him her stem,
roots and her sea, he will drown ...lost once again.
Soon he will have his eyes on another flower,
her sweet nectar and vibrant petals
Because this is the essence of the hummingbird,
inconstant, frivolous and lecherous.

I’m looking for you, you are special,

you are genuinely living and in love with life.

You are a weirdo,  but always looks for the good in people,

just living is not enough for you, you have the need to be happy.

You wear your heart on your sleeve and drown yourself in the rush of emotions,

savouring them like the finest morsel.

There are no shame in your tears and you show me proudly your scars, 

all of them even the ones I can't see, they attest that you lived fully.

You believe there’s a million of reasons to be happy and content

and one of them is to be able to bring joy to other people.

You are aware and awaken and embrace your reality because for you living is easy,

you just ask for your books, music, nature, blunt honesty and loyalty.

You are an optimistic , perseverant and a firm believer in the conquest and the taking.

So come and conquest me, take me, protect me under your wings 

and let us fly together.

We all try to numb the pain, and I mean emotional pain, not physical,..

The thing is that pain and suffering just show us that it was real that was important, that mattered.

So we should not be sad because it hurts or  because it's too much but be relieved.The world is too shallow nowadays, and your pain awakens your humanity, you are not dead inside as you might think, but you are alive. 

I've never been a well behaved girl

I've never had vocation for timid joys,  passion without orgasms or unresolved loves without any hiccups.

I want of life what is raw, pure and beautiful.

I don't live for people to like me, I'm here to learn to enjoy every detail of what I have and to seduce only what makes me a better person.

I'm dramatic, intense, transient and have a joy in me that makes me exhausted.

I know how to smile with your eyes and to laugh with your whole body.

I know too well what is crying curled up hugging your legs.

So, do not come to me giving me half-terms, more or less of something. 

Come to me with full body, soul, guts and shortness of breath.

I believe in sighs, hands massaging chests, gasps, endless longings, explosive joys, sparkling glances, smiles so bright that rival the sun and hugs that bring people to life.

AndI'm afraid of heights but I do not avoid my abysses.