Charles, already dispos'd by the evidence of his senses
to think my pretences to virginity not entirely apocryphal,
smothers me with kisses, begs me, in the name of love, to
have a little patience, and that he will be as tender of
hurting me as he would be of himself.
Alas! it was enough I knew his pleasure to submit joy-
fully to him, whatever pain I foresaw it would cost me.
He now resumes his attempts in more form: first, he put
one of the pillows under me, to give the blank of his aim a
more favourable elevation, and another under my head, in
ease of it; then spreading my thighs, and placing himself
standing between them, made them rest upon his hips; apply-
ing then the point of his machine to the slit, into which he
sought entrance: it was so small, he could scarce assure
himself of its being rightly pointed. He looks, he feels,
and satisfies himself: the driving forward with fury, its
prodigious stiffness, thus impacted, wedgelike, breaks the
union of those parts, and gain'd him just the insertion of
the tip of it, lip-deep; which being sensible of, he improv-
ed his advantage, and following well his stroke, in a
straight line, forcibly deepens his penetration; but put me
to such intolerable pain, from the separation of the sides
of that soft passage by a hard thick body, I could have
scream'd out; but, as I was unwilling to alarm the house, I
held in my breath, and cramm'd my petticoat, which was
turn'd up over my face, into my mouth, and bit it through
in the agony. At length, the tender texture of that tract
giving way to such fierce tearing and rending, he pierc'd
something further into me: and now, outrageous and no longer
his own master, but borne headlong away by the fury and
over-mettle of that member, now exerting itself with a kind
of native rage, he breaks in, carries all before him, and
one violent merciless lunge sent it, imbrew'd, and reeking
with virgin blood, up to the very hilt in me . . . Then!
then all my resolution deserted me: I scream'd out, and
fainted away with the sharpness of the pain; and, as he told
me afterwards, on his drawing out, when emission was over
with him, my thighs were instantly all in a stream of blood
that flow'd from the wounded torn passage.
When I recover'd my senses, I found myself undress'd,
and a-bed, in the arms of the sweet relenting murderer of my
virginity, who hung mourning tenderly over me, and holding
in his hand a cordial, which, coming from the still dear
author of so much pain, I could not refuse; my eyes, however,
moisten'd with tears, and languishingly turn'd upon him,
seemed to reproach him with his cruelty, and ask him if such
were the rewards of love. But Charles, to whom I was now
infinitely endear'd by this complete triumph over a maiden-
head, where he so little expected to find one, in tenderness
to that pain which he had put me to, in procuring himself
the height of pleasure, smother'd his exultation, and em-
ploy'd himself with so much sweetness, so much warmth, to
sooth, to caress, and comfort me in my soft complainings,
which breath'd, indeed, more love than resentment, that I
presently drown'd all sense of pain in the pleasure of seeing
him, of thinking that I belong'd to him: he who was now the
absolute disposer of my happiness, and, in one word, my fate.
The sore was, however, too tender, the wound too bleed-
ing fresh, for Charles's good-nature to put my patience pre-
sently to another trial; but as I could not stir, or walk
across the room, he order'd the dinner to be brought to the
bed-side, where it could not be otherwise than my getting
down the wing of a fowl, and two or three glasses of wine,
since it was my ador'd youth who both serv'd, and urged them
on me, with that sweet irresistible authority with which love
had invested him over me.
After dinner, and as everything but the wine was taken
away, Charles very impudently asks a leave, he might read the
grant of in my eyes, to come to bed to me, and accordingly
falls to undressing; which I could not see the progress of
without strange emotions of fear and pleasure.
He is now in bed with me the first time, and in broad
day; but when thrusting up his own shirt and my shift, he
laid his naked glowing body to mine . . . oh! insupportable
delight! oh! superhuman rapture! what pain could stand be-
fore a pleasure so transporting? I felt no more the smart
of my wounds below; but, curling round him like the tendril
of a vine, as if I fear'd any part of him should be un-
touch'd or unpress'd by me, I return'd his strenuous em-
braces and kisses with a fervour and gust only known to true
love, and which mere lust could never rise to.
Yes, even at this time, when all the tyranny of the
passions is fully over and my veins roll no longer but a
cold tranquil stream, the remembrance of those passages
that most affected me in my youth, still cheers and re-
freshes me. Let me proceed then. My beauteous youth was
now glew'd to me in all the folds and twists that we could
make our bodies meet in; when, no longer able to rein in the
fierceness of refresh'd desires, he gives his steed the head
and gently insinuating his thighs between mine, stopping my
mouth with kisses of humid fire, makes a fresh irruption,
and renewing his thrusts, pierces, tears, and forces his way
up the torn tender folds that yielded him admission with a
smart little less severe that when the breach was first made.
I stifled, however, my cries, and bore him with the passive
fortitude of a heroine; soon his thrusts, more and more fur-
ious, cheeks flush'd with a deeper scarlet, his eyes turn'd
up in the fervent fit, some dying sighs, and an agonizing
shudder, announced the approaches of that extatic pleasure,
I was yet in too much pain to come in for my share of it.
Nor was it till after a few enjoyments had numb'd and
blunted the sense of the smart, and given me to feel the
titillating inspersion of balsamic sweets, drew from me the
delicious return, and brought down all my passion, that I
arrived at excess of pleasure through excess of pain. But,
when successive engagements had broke and inur'd me, I began
to enter into the true unallay'd relish of that pleasure of
pleasures, when the warm gush darts through all the ravish'd
inwards; what floods of bliss! what melting transports! what
agonies of delight! too fierce, too mighty for nature to
sustain; well has she therefore, no doubt, provided the re-
lief of a delicious momentary dissolution, the approaches of
which are intimated by a dear delirium, a sweet thrill on the
point of emitting those liquid sweets, in which enjoyment
itself is drown'd, when one gives the languishing stretch-out,
and dies at the discharge.
How often, when the rage and tumult of my senses had
subsided after the melting flow, have I, in a tender medi-
tation ask'd myself coolly the question, if it was in nature
for any of its creatures to be so happy as I was? Or, what
were all fears of the consequence, put in the scale of one
night's enjoyment of any thing so transcendently the taste
of my eyes and heart, as that delicious, fond, matchless
youth?
Thus we spent the whole afternoon till supper time in
a continued circle of love delights, kissing, turtle-billing,
toying, and all the rest of the feast. At length, supper
was serv'd in, before which Charles had, for I do not know
what reason, slipt his cloaths on; and sitting down by the
bed-side, we made table and table-cloth of the bed and sheets,
whilst he suffer'd nobody to attend or serve but himself. He
ate with a very good appetite, and seem'd charm'd to see me
eat. For my part, I was so enchanted with my fortune, so
transported with the comparison of the delights I now swam
in, with the insipidity of all my past scenes of life, that
I thought them sufficiently cheap at even the price of my
ruin, or the risk of their not lasting. The present pos-
session was all my little head could find room for.
We lay together that night, when, after playing re-
peated prizes of pleasure, nature, overspent and satisfy'd,
gave us up to the arms of sleep: those of my dear youth en-
circled me, the consciousness of which made even that sleep
more delicious.
Late in the morning I wak'd first; and observing my
lover slept profoundly, softly disengag'd myself from his
arms, scarcely daring to breathe for fear of shortening his
repose; my cap, my hair, my shift, were all in disorder from
the rufflings I had undergone; and I took this opportunity
to adjust and set them as well as I could: whilst, every now
and then, looking at the sleeping youth with inconceivable
fondness and delight, and reflecting on all the pain he had
put me to, tacitly own'd that the pleasure had overpaid me
for my sufferings.
It was then broad day. I was sitting up in the bed,
the cloaths of which were all tossed, or rolled off, by the
unquietness of our motions, from the sultry heat of the
weather; nor could I refuse myself a pleasure that solicited
me so irresistibly, as this fair occasion of feasting my
sight with all those treasures of youthful beauty I had en-
joy'd, and which lay now almost entirely naked, his shirt
being truss'd up in a perfect wisp, which the warmth of the
room and season made me easy about the consequence of. I
hung over him enamour'd indeed! and devoured all his naked
charms with only two eyes, when I could have wish'd them at
least a hundred, for the fuller enjoyment of the gaze.
Oh! could I paint his figure as I see it now, still
present to my transported imagination! a whole length of an
allperfect, manly beauty in full view. Think of a face
without a fault, glowing with all the opening bloom and
vernal freshness of an age in which beauty is of either sex,
and which the first down over his upper lip scarce began to
distinguish.
The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seem'd
to exhale an air sweeter and purer than what it drew in: ah!
what violence did it not cost me to refrain the so tempted
kiss!
Then a neck exquisitely turn'd, grac'd behind and on
the sides with his hair, playing freely in natural ringlets,
connected his head to a body of the most perfect form, and
of the most vigorous contexture, in which all the strength
of manhood was conceal'd and soften'd to appearance by the
delicacy of his complexion, the smoothness of his skin, and
the plumpness of his flesh.
The platform of his snow-white bosom, that was laid out
in a manly proportion, presented, on the vermilion summit of
each pap, the idea of a rose about to blow.
Nor did his shirt hinder me from observing that symmetry
of his limbs, that exactness of shape, in the fall of it to-
wards the loins, where the waist ends and the rounding swell
of the hips commences; where the skin, sleek, smooth, and
dazzling white, burnishes on the stretch over firm, plump,
ripe flesh, that crimp'd and ran into dimples at the least
pressure, or that the touch could not rest upon, but slid
over as on the surface of the most polished ivory.
His thighs, finely fashioned, and with a florid glossy
roundness, gradually tapering away to the knees, seem'd
pillars worthy to support that beauteous frame; at the
bottom of which I could not, without some remains of terror,
some tender emotions too, fix my eyes on that terrible mac-
hine, which had, not long before, with such fury broke into,
torn, and almost ruin'd those soft, tender parts of mine
that had not yet done smarting with the effects of its rage;
but behold it now! crest fall'n, reclining its half-capt
vermilion head over one of his thighs, quiet, pliant, and to
all appearance incapable of the mischiefs and cruelty it had
committed. Then the beautiful growth of the hair, in short
and soft curls round its root, its whiteness, branch'd veins,
the supple softness of the shaft, as it lay foreshort'd,
roll'd and shrunk up into a squab thickness, languid, and
borne up from between his thighs by its globular appendage,
that wondrous treasure-bag of nature's sweets, which,
rivell'd round, and purs'd up in the only wrinkles that are
known to please, perfected the prospect, and all together
formed the most interesting moving picture in nature, and
surely infinitely superior to those nudities furnish'd by
]the painters, statuaries, or any art, which are purchas'd
at immense prices; whilst the sight of them in actual life
is scarce sovereignly tasted by any but the few whom nature
has endowed with a fire of imagination, warmly pointed by a
truth of judgment to the spring-head, the originals of
beauty, of nature's unequall'd composition, above all the
imitation of art, or the reach of wealth to pay their price.
But every thing must have an end. A motion made by
this angelic youth, in the listlessness of going off sleep,
replac'd his shirt and the bed-cloaths in a posture that
shut up that treasure from longer view.
I lay down then, and carrying my hands to that part of
me in which the objects just seen had begun to raise a
mutiny that prevail'd over the smart of them, my fingers now
open'd themselves an easy passage; but long I had not time
to consider the wide difference there, between the maid and
the now finish'd woman, before Charles wak'd, and turning
towards me, kindly enquir'd how I had rested? and, scarce
giving me time to answer, imprinted on my lips one of his
burning rapture-kisses, which darted a flame to my heart,
that from thence radiated to every part of me; and present-
ly, as if he had proudly meant revenge for the survey I had
smuggled of all his naked beauties, he spurns off the bed-
cloaths, and trussing up my shift as high as it would go,
took his turn to feast his eyes on all the gifts nature had
bestow'd on my person; his busy hands, too, rang'd intemper-
ately over every part of me. The delicious austerity and
hardness of my yet unripe budding breasts, the whiteness
and firmness of my flesh, the freshness and regularity of my
features, the harmony of my limbs, all seem'd to confirm him
in his satisfaction with his bargain; but when curious to
explore the havoc he had made in the centre of his over-
fierce attack, he not only directed his hands there, but
with a pillow put under, placed me favourably for his wanton
purpose of inspection. Then, who can express the fire his
eyes glisten'd, his hands glow'd with! whilst sighs of plea-
sure, and tender broken exclamations, were all the praises
he could utter. By this time his machine, stiffly risen at
me, gave me to see it in its highest state and bravery. He
feels it himself, seems pleas'd at its condition, and, smil-
ing loves and graces, seizes one of my hands, and carries
it, with a gentle compulsion, to his pride of nature, and
its richest masterpiece.
