Mizzieb's blog: "Mizzieb's Blogs"

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember . 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written impressive new book.It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People." 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary. 3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope onlyexpects you to kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too. 8.. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. 9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can. 10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid." 11. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said,"Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite." 12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. 13. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 2. A day without sunshine is like, Night. 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers 4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 6. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 7. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. 15. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. 19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 20 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines 21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened 25. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. 26. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates .. . . it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Best explanation I have ever seen--- Cindy Sheehan asked President Bush, "Why did my son have to die in Iraq?" Another mother asked President Kennedy, "Why did my son have to die in Viet Nam?" Another mother asked President Truman, "Why did my son have to die in Korea? Another mother asked President F. D. Roosevelt, "Why did my son have to die at Iwo Jima?" Another mother asked President W. Wilson, "Why did my son have to die on the battlefield of France?" Yet another mother asked President Lincoln, "Why did my son have to die at Gettysburg?" And yet another mother asked President G. Washington, "Why did my son have to die near Valley Forge?" Then long, long ago, a mother asked, "Heavenly Father, why did my son have to die on a cross outside of Jerusalem?" The answers to all these are similar -- "that others may have life and dwell in peace, happiness and freedom." IF YOU DON'T STAND BEHIND OUR TROOPS, PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM!!

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutel y inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I s hare this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE. There is an Angel sent to watch over you. In order for her to work, you must pass this on to the people you want watched over. An Angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it! Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called i t opportunity. Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. If you agree, pass it on. If you can read this - Thank a teacher! If you are reading it in English -Thank a soldier!

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING > THROUGH THE DESERT. > DURING SOME POINT OF THE > JOURNEY THEY HAD AN > ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND > SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE > IN THE FACE. > > THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED > WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT > SAYING ANYTHING, > WROTE IN THE SAND: > > TODAY MY BEST FRIEND > SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE. > > THEY KEPT ON WALKING, > UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, > WHERE THEY DECIDED > TO TAKE A BATH > > THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN > SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE > MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, > BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM. > > AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM > THE NEAR DROWNING, > HE WROTE ON A STONE: > > TODAY MY BEST FRIEND > SAVED MY LIFE. > > THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED > AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND > ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, > YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND N OW, > YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?" > > THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED > "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US > WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN > IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF > FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY. > BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES > SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, > WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE > WHERE NO WIND > CAN EVER ERASE IT." > > LEARN TO WRITE > YOUR HURTS IN > THE SAND AND TO > CARVE YOUR > BENEFITS and BLESSINGS IN STONE. > > THEY SAY > IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE > THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM!

TO MY DEAR WIFE: During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just lay there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't cum 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself (and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with his or her foot!) > >>> > >>>A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.. > >>> > >>>A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. > >>> > >>>A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean. > >>> > >>>A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call. > >>> > >>>A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. > >>> > >>>A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it. > >>> > >>>A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight. > >>> > >>>A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!

This will warm your heart - just when you have lost faith in human > kindness. > > Someone who teaches at a middle school in Safety Harbor , Florida , > forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's > office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly woman received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today. > > Dear Safety Harbor Middle School : > > God bless you for the beautiful radio that I won at your recent senior > citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor > Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away and I am all > alone now so it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless > you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. > > My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio. > > Before I received mine she would never let me listen to hers, even when > she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke > into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She then asked if she > could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. > > Thank you for that opportunity. > > Sincerely, > > Edna

I believe- That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I believe- That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and, you must forgive them for that. I believe- That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I believe- That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I believe- That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I believe- That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them I believe- That you can keep going long after you can't. I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you. I believe- That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I believe- That money is a lousy way of keeping score. I believe- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time! I believe- That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I believe- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I believe- That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I believe- That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help. I believe- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.