...but this time I'm sober. What a treat for you.
Actually I felt I had to be sober to muse on the subject I'm about to tackle. It's a rather important subject, although whether or not it should be is still up for debate. In fact I think many people spend a bit too much time thinking about it and/or arguing over it and maybe they should learn to just live and wait to find out if they're right or not. In the end, it's a lesson we all learn...
On Religion:
I was raised Lutheran. I attended Lutheran schools and Lutheran churches. I was forced to crawl out of bed early on Sunday mornings, shimmy my way into uncomfortable frilly little dresses, pile into my Dad's car, and go to church, where, once I arrived, I sat on an uncomfortable wooden pew and stared at some guy (wearing what was probably an equally uncomfortable dress) on a podium giving a big long boring monotone speech about an afterlife that was as distant to me as the planet Pluto ( I always dug that...a planet named after Mickey Mouse's dog...). And hell, all the grownups got something to eat for their troubles at least. What'd I get? A sore ass, often a itchy rash from the dress, and a Sunday morning wasted when I could have been doing more productive things like...playing ball with my friends or chasing my dog around the backyard.
Even then I didn't get it.
Over the years my opinion of organized religion changed somewhat, although not for the better. I came to realize that these people who faithfully and without fail attended church every Sunday were the same people sitting in the bar at the end of my block on Saturday night with my Dad drinking and carousing. These people were the same ones who stood on their front porches and yelled "nigger" at the nice dark skinned man who had moved in across the street as he mowed his perfectly manicured lawn. I, for my part, liked the nice dark skinned man. At Halloween he had the best candy (mmm Sugardaddys), he smelled like pipe tobacco ( a smell I love and will forever associate with my Grampa), and he would always pat me on the head and say "What a pretty girl. Someday you'll give those boys whatfor."(which I never quite understood until I got a bit older, grew boobies, and watched 3 boys and a teacher drool all over their desks when I felt the need to stretch in typing class one day. Hell, the teacher even found it neccessary to punctuate that occasion with the words "I'd PAY to see that again!"). These were also the same people who snickered and slammed their doors in my face when I held out a Unicef box instead of a trick-or-treat bag one Halloween, heartlessly leaving a 9 year old girl dressed in pink fairy princess garb standing lost on their porches and feeling a bit naive for thinking that someone actually gave a shit about the little starving children on another continent. These people were willing to stuff ten dollar bills into a collection plate every Sunday at church...but THAT money was earmarked for the building of a new church facility where they could come and ooh and ahh over the pretty stained glass windows while enjoying the fact that they were all hypocritical bastards who cared only about themselves and their own warped view of the world.
I began to wonder things. I checked books out of our local library with titles denouncing organized religion...books that would cause my mother to flash strange worried glances at me as I sat in the pew reading them during Father Kovac's lengthy, boring sermons. I refused to rise for the prayers and benedictions, opting instead to blow spit bubbles that defied the laws of physics. With so much practice I soon became the spit bubble champion of the 4th grade and I am still to this day quite proud of that accomplishment.
Father Kovac soon became "concerned" about me and, apparantly, about my immortal soul. I didn't quite understand this concern for I had been baptized and he was forever saying that baptism was the surest path to heaven, and if I was already on the path to heaven...well then, I had nothing to worry about, right? But when I brought this point to the good Father's attention he sighed in an exasperated way and threw his arms in the air, pointing at me and calling me a "most blasphemous child". I looked up at him, all round eyes and bouncing dishwater blond curls, and said simply and without expression, "Well, at least I know what it's about, sir."
Father Kovac avoided my eyes from that day on.
Doesn't the bible say we are all as lambs in God's eyes? And don't sheep, even dumb as they are, gather together for the sake of the herd? Maybe the animal kingdom has it right and we are the ones who don't understand.
(sidenote: I spoke previously on marriage and would like to interject with this comment. Even some animals mate for life. Penguins, in fact, search throughout their lives for that perfect mate and once found, they present their beloved with a gift to seal the deal. Dolphins mate for life and their committment to their chosen mate even reaches the point where, if a mate dies, they will often keep the body around for several days, continuing to cuddle it and love it and, yes folks, even copulate with the corpse. Now, THAT'S committment.)
We, who know so little, choose to question the very order of the universe and, thinking we've found the answer in what we call "God", we presume to know the meaning of it all. We search for order where there is only chaos. We claim to know the mind of God and our purpose here on earth. But what if it's all a sham...some elaborate practical joke played out on the grandest scale ever? What if...and this is yet another stretch of the imagination ( I ask for so much from you, dear reader)...in the end, we are all just here, risen out of the primordial ooze by some strange chance of evolution? What if there is no God and we are all just wandering lost with no light at the end of the tunnel?
I, for my part, hope that isn't so. I don't like to think of my life here on earth as just a lucky happenstance. We are here. And we MUST be here for a reason. So far the best reason I can come up with is this...we are here to put our best foot forward, to love and laugh and eat and drink and be merry. We live to make the most of what time we have because for all we know, folks, this is it. It may be all we have. And don't you think someone else has thought of that? Why else would scientists and doctors be doing all they can to prolong life? Why else would the average age of death have risen several years in such a short time (and considering how long man has walked the earth, 50 or 60 years IS a short time)? They fear death...because, after all is said and done, we all do. We fear the possiblity that death is the final word.
I choose to ignore this fear...to have faith (for whatever it's worth) that there is a purpose to all of this.
I have religion in my life and, although it's probably not a form of religion that the church would approve of, it works for me. It keeps me going in what otherwise might be a pointless existance. But I tell you this much...I avoid churches. Why you ask? For one, the pews are still hard and uncomfortable and the communion wafers taste like cardboard, as if we MUST suffer for our beliefs as much as possible to make them more real. And two, how can you feel so much closer to God by walking into a building built by men? Yes, the stained glass is pretty and shiny (and I do so adore bright shiny objects) and yes, it's always interesting to contemplate the ritual that is associated with organized religion, but does it really accomplish anything? Does it bring you any closer to whatever higher power there is in the universe?
So, while you all are shifting around in your pews trying to keep your butts from falling asleep, I will be in my yard or at the local park munching a cheese sandwich as I toss a stick to my dog, watch my kids climb on the jungle gym, and breathe in the fresh air. I will be leaning back on the grass and looking up at the blue sky watching the clouds pass by and marveling at just how miraculous it all is. No one had to change water into wine for me to believe. All I had to do was breathe...
The philosophy is this...
Live every moment as if it were your last. Love and be loved to the point of absolute ecstasy ( get your minds outta the gutter, pervos), eat food that makes your mouth water, take every chance you're given because you never know what the future will bring but it's still worth the gamble, and just breathe. I'm pretty sure no one can consider THAT blasphemy.
Religion is a smile on a dog...
~Edie Brickell
