on to the next blog *Jason*
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life
About a week before I was raped I met a guy online at a wesite called Cherrytap. We started chatting on YIM and having fun with both of our twisted sence of humors. After my rape, about a week or two or three after, I decided to get back online and let some of my close friends know whats happening. Jason Yimed me and we started talking again and he noticed an obvious change in my attitude, and all I could bring myself to say was "I used to believe the good in this world untill Ive suffered the Evil in it." After a while of talking I told him what happened. He made me laugh and get my mind off of things and we decided to go on a date, correction he talked me into going out again and fighting back. He helped me go out into the public again. So we met on St. Patricks day 2007. We went to an early lunch at Ruby Tuesdays and had a nice long conversation. Then we went to go watch 300 in the theatres, then we went to go play pool at Pockets. It was a nice day. After that we spent almost everyday together. He introduced me to some of his friends who ultimatley became my friends too.. Julie and Ashley. I love them eternaly they are wonderful people.. getting off track. Julie and I connected right off the bat, and of course as usual I fell in love with thier little daughter Savage, again getting off track.. anyways, it was at their house that Jason told me he was a father of a small 5 month old. He let me know he isnt looking for a mother for his daughter Raven since she already has one, that being said, he also let me know that the only reason why he still talkes to the mother, is the fact that she is the mother of his child.
I met Raven, had a wonderful time, but thats when Jason started getting a strep throat. So I took care of Raven and Jason, thats just how I am. It was then that I knew I felt more than a friendship with Jason.. and it scared the hell out of me because my last relationship was in highschool, and I was still healing from my rape. So waited till Jason was asleep on his bed, a thick layer of Vapor Rub was on his chest, and a cool washcloth was on his burning forhead, till I whispered "I think I love you".
As the days went by, we went to more parties at Julie Trees (Ashleys), i was having fun.. till I started realizing how much Jason actually drinks. We were always going out, and he was always getting DRUNK. I actually had to talk the Police out of arresting him one night at Bennagins because Jason was drunk, loud, and he is very intimidating. He was on his way to his jail cell untill the Police Man noticed I was with him, and called me over to talk to him. Then after we left, we went to Julie and Trees again to get drunk. Well, he did, I was his ride that night. As usual.. A week later we went to his friends Shannons Birthday (I might actually have the events timelines messed up but never the less they happened), and that was the night everything changed.. Jason was very very drunk on my tab, I was trying to calm him down with the help of Taye, and Jason Pushed me really hard backwards.
I didnt realize everything changed then because I gave him the excuse, "He was drunk" but my siblings and friends told me, what anyone can do drunk ,they can do sober.
At this time I was friends with Jimmie, my next blog. Not only was I talking to Jimmie, but a few other male friends online to get a males point of view on things when I was confused about Jasons actions. such as.. one day, Jason and I never mind Im not here to bash him.. but I know what I saw no matter how many times he denies it.
At any rate.. Things started changing rapidly between us, and I didnt tell him my feelings were changing.. I was afraid of him.
Finally one day I go to his house because he said he had half of the money he owed me. Well he had $25 out of the $100 I went there for.. he owes me $200 total. While I was there I got my things and left.
He sent me cherrytap emails saying hes sorry, whats going on, is it over.. so I decided to tell him yes. I never wanted to do any of it over the internet, but I couldnt pretend any longer. Its been a messy break up.
On to the next blog...
Currently listening :
Son of a Gun
By Janet Jackson
Release date: 15 August, 2002
4:30 PM -
