Dreaming Angel's blog: "my ramblings"

I wish I could go back in time back to those unspoiled moments in our relationship before hurt ever touched our hearts, before doubt ever entered our minds Because if I could go back and start from those moments once more I would hold you longer never miss a chance to tell you how much you mean to me and I would never, ever hurt you But I know we can't go back to those days I know I can't erase the mistakes I can't take away the questions you must have or the hurt we both feel. But I can assure you of one thing I love you as I did then and as I always will

I cant stand my life too many people expecting way too much from me,I am trying my damndest to take care of myself and my three kids and everyone wants something that I am not ready to give.tomorrow is my birthday I just want to relax and have a nice day and it does not look like thats going to happen,I just want to be myself,and most people in my life cant accept that.

So here it is... It all boils down to this ladies and gentlemen. Your life and movements in life can only be dominated by you.. Whether good or bad you are ultimately the one that says either "Enough is enough" or "Walk all over me,I'm your personal floormat".. I've chosen to close a chapter in my life that has been both painful and stressful in my life. Sometimes when you show a person that you love them and that you will do anything to see them happy; after a while your expected to do everything and anything... Whether you want to or not you become obliged by the other person to pull through. It doesn't matter how you do it, you just have to.. I chose to take care of a person that never took care of me because I was raised by people that taught me that no matter what I should always be bigger. This time around I just can't do it anymore. I have forgotten how to live and do for myself and my kids because the first person to get all the attention and all of me, has consumed me in such a way that I don't know where to start... All I know is that I feel an incrdible weight floating off my shoulders.. At first I was afraid to let this weight off.I always let shit slide off my back, whether its hurting me and my kids or not. Its always been about letting them get their way Whoever the hell said that you should take shit from people is dead ass wrong. No one has the right to treat you like shit because,no one has the right to say and do awful things to you for any reason... I always put them before myself and my kids because thats the way I am... Now I'm glad to say that I stood up for myself and I will no longer put anyone elses needs before that of my own and my kids...I am tired of the slander let her keep on talking till she gets tired which at this point , she never gets tired of makin me the bad one... Its always been my position in her eyes.. But funny how the bad one was and always be the one at the frontline giving my blood if I have to...I always stayed by her side through the good , bad and ugly... Only to get it thrown back at me like all I've done is not good enough... So here it is I'm shedding this skin.. I'm done... I feel good knowing that I'm looking the other way and no one can say a thing.. The only ones that matter got my back 100%...I can go to bed with a clear mind and I don't have to feel shit ... And guess what I deserve this peace.. I don't have to hear how bad I am anymore because it don't matter. I know I'm a good person and I've endured pure hell at times... But I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and just keep on walking. To all the people that support my decision I love you.. You know who you are...

well I am a free woman now and I can say now that there is no going back.I will move on withmy head high and I know there is someone out there that will love me and only want to be with me. I am going to Pa in a few weeks to look at a house,its aweosme 4 bedrooms and a fireplace I am very excited about this turn in my life. Things can only get better from here on out.

I have been having alot of trouble with my oldest daughter shes 12 and has been going thru a rough time this past year and I have to say that things are getting better with her shes coming in on time and listening to me,I am hoping that this is a good thing and she stays on this path.